I don’t want to talk with Derrick about how much I’m struggling to rebuild the muscle in my leg. And I’m definitely not ready to put into words that I might always have to use a cane. I’m just not ready to talk about it. So I tell him about the other thing that’s been bothering me. “I acted like a jerk to one of the nurses who’s been helping me, and I feel like an idiot.”
Derrick laughs. “You’ve always been hot-headed, and it’s never stopped you from tracking down the wronged party and apologizing before.” He shakes his head. “Is that really what’s bothering you? If so, you should find the nurse and make things right. You know that.”
I agree with him. It’s been eating me the past few days. I can barely sleep without images of Karly’s face when I hurt her. And I know I did. I was downright mean to her. And she didn’t deserve it. It’s not like she can help it that I’m jealous and that I can’t stack up with a bunch of fuckin’ doctors.
Derrick sits back down in the chair and leans toward me. “Is that really all that’s eating at you?”
“Yeah, but trust me, that’s enough. I was a dick. A big dick to her.”
“So fix it. Mom and Dad raised you better than that. Hell, Trent and I raised you better than that. Make it right.”
I’m nodding my head the whole time because I know he’s right. We had great parents that taught us real values. We may be the biggest ranch in Forest Grove and have the money that goes with it, but our parents never let us act entitled or arrogant. They were always quick to teach us right from wrong. And when they passed, Derrick and Trent took over, instilling all the same morals in me. That’s probably why I feel so bad.
I change the subject and ask Derrick about Olivia. Which I’m surprised works, but obviously that just goes to show how much Oliva means to him.
When Olivia returns with a drink for each of us, I open the can, and as soon as I see my brother take a drink, I ask, “So when are you two making it official?”
I expect my brother to give me a dirty look or choke on his soda, but he doesn’t. Olivia turns red-faced, and Derrick just smiles. “As soon as she says yes.”
I smile as my brother pulls his girlfriend into his lap, and they laugh and get caught up in each other. I should look away and give them their space, but I can’t take my eyes off them. I’ve never seen my brother so happy. I fight off the jealous feelings because I know if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s my big brother.
After a few minutes, they try to bring me back into the conversation, talking about the ranch and my horse. And I swear, I try to feign interest in what my brother is saying but really, I’m thinking about what I’ll say to Karly to make things right.
5
Jason
That look she’s giving me could cut glass.
I won’t allow myself to chicken out even if I’m so nervous that I’m afraid that my sweaty hand is going to slip right off my cane.
I keep thinking that she’s going to notice that in the last few days, I’ve put in the extra work in my room and have moved to the cane instead of the walker. But if she’s noticed, she doesn’t let on.
I try several times to smile at her when she glances in my direction, but she doesn’t seem to see me.
I deserve that.
I wave at her, and when I’m sure I made direct eye contact with her, she gives me the cold shoulder and looks away, acting as if she doesn’t see me.
You’ve really put your foot in it this time, Jason.
Finally, she finishes with the patient, and I have a moment to approach her without interrupting her in her work. Using the cane, I walk toward her faster than I probably should, but pretty sure she’s going to try to walk away before I can get the apology out.
“I’m sorry about being such a jerk the other day,” I say.
She looks up from the paper in her hand, and instead of the sparkle that’s usually in her eyes, it’s more like dread and a dismissive stare. “It’s okay, you couldn’t seem to help it. Some people can’t. No worries,” she says and starts toward the desk.
I have to shuffle to get in her path because I know I won’t catch up with her if she strides off. “I had no right to talk to you like that, and I didn’t mean what I said. I was upset.”
Karly cocks an eyebrow at me. “Maybe where you come from people don’t mind being your punching bag if you give them an apology, but that’s not me. Good luck,” she says and steps past me.