“You will need to continue PT after your release. I know Knox is a little far to travel from Forest Grove every day, but we can look into finding some home health aides that are closer to you. That way you won’t have to come into the hospital for it.”
“So I’m feeling stronger every day,” I start, and the doctor holds his hand up to stop me. I’m sure he’s already guessing what I’m going to say. Ever since I got here, I’ve been pressuring him to say to me that I will be able to walk again. And not just walk without a cane but walk without a limp. I know it’s a lot to ask. And I know there are so many people that are worse off than me, so I’m forcing myself to have gratitude for my life every day. But that still doesn’t stop me from wanting to ask him again.
“It’s always a great idea to finish your rehab, but I stand by my analysis of your capabilities after your severe compound fracture and the surgeries. In truth you’re doing better than you should be given what you’ve come through. You should be very proud of yourself.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” I tell him. Basically, that was just a bunch of BS telling me that he still doesn’t think I’ll walk on my own. Even after how far I’ve come.
He doesn’t even acknowledge my goodbye, except for a nod of the head. I stand up and grab my cane to go to what I now know will be my last session of physical therapy with Karly.
Karly
Jason is doing the exercises I’m giving him, but it’s not with the same determination I’ve been seeing in him. Something is off about him, and even though I feel like talking to him is a mistake, I can’t help trying to push him.
“Every session counts. You have to give it your all every time,” I tell him.
He has a sleeveless shirt on today with the sides cut out. His arms are huge, and I have no doubt that he’s been working them since he’s been here. The sweat on his skin is glistening, and if it was any other day, I would just give him his assignment and then move far enough away that I can keep an eye on him but not so close that he can see the drool forming at the corner of my lips.
“Considering that this is my last session, you probably should’ve mentioned that sooner,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite touch his eyes.
I work hard to make sure the disappointment I feel isn’t showing on my face. I knew this day was coming.
Patients come and go, Karly. That’s the goal. This is a good thing.
“Yes, there’s a few things I should’ve done differently. I’m well aware. Thank you,” I say, knowing I’m being cold but also knowing it’s for the best.
“The doctor said this is as good as it’s going to get for me,” Jason said as he continues to work.
I’m not surprised. Jason’s doctor always thinks he’s doing good by not building up the hopes of people recovering from serious injuries. I, on the other hand, believe that work and determination can help a person surpass such limited goals.
“And do you agree with him? Do you think this is as good as it’s going to get?” I ask him, gesturing to the cane leaning up against the wall.
He shrugs his shoulders, and it makes me want to shake him. The way he’s hunkered down it’s almost as if he’s already defeated. Does he not see what he’s capable of? Because I do. And I have no doubt he could walk on his own again. But it doesn’t matter what I think. If he doesn’t believe it, then it will never happen.
“Your continued PT will help you gain back more muscle,” I say as he finishes the final exercise.
“I don’t have PT anymore. I’d have to hire one on my own. Why do that when I won’t get better than where I’m at?”
I know I should just agree with him and walk away, but it just isn’t in me. I can’t just stand by and let him give up. “I knew you were a jerk, but I didn’t think you were a quitter looking for an easy way out. That’s too bad. Because when I look at you, I see a man that won’t stop until he’s walking again. Hell, until he’s riding on his family’s ranch again.” He’s staring up at me, not saying a word, but I know I’m getting to him. “But maybe you’re not the man I thought you were.”
He looks at me with a glint in his eyes that tells me he wants to meet the challenge I just threw down. I hope for his sake he does.