He Started It

One of the Clemson guys shakes his head and says, ‘We are so screwed.’

‘Call a lawyer,’ another says.

‘You call one.’

When we all walk out of the station, they’re still arguing about whether or not to call.

Krista is quiet. Too quiet. So it’s not surprising when she bursts into tears on the way back to the motel. I’m in the front seat, the designated driver, and Felix is next to me. Krista is in the back with Portia, who makes a halfhearted attempt to comfort her sister-in-law.

‘He’ll be out tomorrow,’ Portia says. ‘It’s no big thing, really. He’ll just have to pay a fine.’

Krista cries harder. Portia looks at me and shrugs. Felix chooses this moment to keep his mouth shut.

‘Eddie will be fine,’ I say.

‘I know,’ she says, gasping for air. ‘I know he’ll be fine. He’s always fine.’

I say nothing, sensing it isn’t the time to mention this isn’t the worst thing Eddie has ever done.

When I drive up to the motel, Krista takes a deep breath and pulls herself together. ‘I just can’t believe I married such an asshole.’

Ah.

Well, shit.

‘Yeah,’ Portia says. ‘Eddie is that.’

Krista laughs a little. ‘Yeah.’

Before we get out of the car, I look at Portia in the rearview mirror. She nods.

‘Hey, I’ll stay in your room tonight,’ she says to Krista.

‘Oh, you don’t have to.’

Felix steps in. ‘I think that’s a good idea. With that truck and all and what’s happened to the car, it’s better that none of us are alone. Just in case.’

Can’t disagree with that.

Portia comes to our room to get her bag. We’re both pissed off at Eddie. I can see it in her eyes and feel it in my heart, but ever since Krista started crying we’ve kept our mouths shut. I wish her luck. She rolls her eyes.

Felix is already in the bathroom, and I remember the lighter hidden in there. Bet he’s about to find it.

What’s the one thing you would do differently if you could?

I probably wouldn’t have come to this UFO place, because there’s nothing here to see. It’s all a big letdown and that sucks. Not that I believe in UFOs, I just thought we’d see something that could be a UFO and that would’ve been exciting enough. Didn’t happen.

But I don’t regret taking over this trip, and I sure as hell don’t regret drugging up Grandpa. He deserves it. All of it, and more.

Felix stays in that bathroom for a while. I figured he would, so I settle in by the window and check Instagram. He hasn’t posted anything today, which makes me a little nervous. I wish I could check on him, but I’m not in Florida.

That’s when I remember Eddie is supposed to be watching the car tonight. Can’t do that from jail.

I imagine Felix in the bathroom, wondering how his lighter ended up on the floor by the toilet.

Did it fall out of my pocket? Did I put it IN my pocket? I thought it was in my bag.

It is not in his bag. I have his lighter now, along with his cigarettes.

I do this sometimes – imagine what he’s thinking. Usually it happens after we have an argument, and I try to picture what goes on his head.

She’s wrong, she’s being stupid, she’s a bitch.

Should I apologize?

No, she should apologize. I’m not saying a word. Not this time.

It’s been a while, though. She must be really mad.

Okay, maybe I should apologize. Just this once, though. I’m not doing it again.

More often than not, Felix apologized first.

When he comes out of the motel bathroom, Felix gives me a half smile and walks over to his backpack. As he checks the front pocket, he says, ‘You’re not going to bed?’

I point to the parking lot. ‘Someone has to watch. It’s Eddie’s shift.’

‘Oh. Right.’ He doesn’t find what he’s looking for in that pocket. Glances around the room.

‘Lose something?’ I say.

‘Phone charger.’ No hesitation.

Liar.

He goes to his suitcase and rummages through it. ‘Who’s got the next shift?’ he says.

‘Krista.’

‘You really think she’s going to watch?’

‘No. You can use my charger.’

He stops looking. ‘Cool, thanks.’

‘It’s right there on the dresser.’

Felix plugs in his phone and sits down on one of the beds. ‘I should take Krista’s shift,’ he says.

Convenient. More time to look. More time to smoke. ‘If you want.’

‘Yeah. We should keep watching, at least for another day or two. Until we’re sure they’re gone.’

‘Okay.’ I look out the window, and I wonder if Eddie is in the same cell as Clemson. I wonder if the police are keeping an eye on them. When I turn back to Felix, he is eyeing the nightstand with the broken, crooked drawer.

Good guess, but no.

He doesn’t look inside. Instead, he goes back to the bathroom. Those missing cigarettes will drive him crazy because he won’t find them. Not until tomorrow.

6 Days Left

We have to go through a series of legal this, that, and the other to get Eddie back. They can’t release him from the jail until he appears before a judge, so we’re sent to the courtroom two blocks down. It’s another tiny building, nothing much to it. Hard to believe this is where justice prevails.

Clemson’s friends also show up. They sit on the opposite side of the courtroom, which means they’re about five feet away.

It all happens very fast. In a small town like this, there aren’t many cases. The only other one is a guy who got so drunk he slept on the hood of his car. Public drunkenness for him, and a fine.

Clemson and Eddie aren’t so lucky. They get a lecture from the judge. A long-winded one, because it may be the only thing this judge has to do today. It all comes down to misdemeanors: criminal mischief, public drunkenness, disturbing the peace. The fine is $500 each.

The whole escapade has been expensive, annoying, and time-consuming. The definition of Eddie most of the time.

The only surprise comes after it’s all over.

Eddie walks outside with Clemson. Together. They are smiling and laughing and at one point, Eddie smacks him on the arm like they’re teammates. Clemson’s friends look as surprised as we are.

‘What the hell?’ Krista says.

When they reach us, Eddie turns to Clemson and offers his hand. ‘It’s been an honor going into battle with you.’

‘Wouldn’t have had it any other way,’ Clemson says.

They shake hands, bump fists, then slap each other on the back and part ways. Eddie turns to us, arms out and smiling. ‘Hey, guys!’

Krista glares at him. Arms crossed, back arched. ‘Are you kidding?’

‘Oh, don’t be mad. This will be a great story one day.’

‘Asshole.’ She turns around and walks back to the car.

Eddie follows, saying, ‘Come on … I mean, you have to admit it’s a great story.’

She admits nothing. Krista is starting to grow on me.