Fascinated by that intense speech from a guy famous for keeping it cool, Tally lifted a forefinger to trace the hard line of his compressed lips. Her curiosity was intense. ‘Couldn’t you?’
‘When you walked out on me in France after we lost our son I went to hell and back,’ Sander admitted bleakly, his expressive eyes full of the dark shadows of the past. ‘I hit the bottle hard. I felt like such a failure. You’d come through one of the worst possible experiences a woman can have and I knew I’d let you down. But I didn’t know what else I could’ve done differently because you wouldn’t let me near you and you wouldn’t talk to me either.’
Tally grimaced and leant forward to wrap both arms round him in a guilty hug. ‘I’m so sorry. I did shut you out. I think my attitude went right back to the beginning of my pregnancy when you were less than keen on the idea of becoming a father. I don’t think I ever let go of my resentment of that and I should’ve done because you did change.’
Sander vaulted upright, carrying her with him. Strong arms closed round her, he gazed down at her with strained dark eyes. ‘But not fast enough. I felt so bad about that attitude of mine after the baby died but I couldn’t alter the past.’
‘And I couldn’t forgive you for it, which was unfair,’ she whispered tearfully against his shoulder.
‘It was you who taught me to want that baby,’ he confided ruefully. ‘I wanted him because you did. It never occurred to me that anything could go wrong and when it did, I was filled with so much guilt because I had never thought of our child as a real person. You were so desperately unhappy and I couldn’t help you. That made me feel more useless than ever.’
‘Is that why you started working every hour you possibly could and avoiding me?’
Sander stared down at her troubled face with pained dark eyes. ‘You didn’t want me any more. You made that very clear. The way I saw it, I was staying out of your way, which seemed like a good idea at the time.’
‘Maybe I thought it was when I was so depressed but being lonely made everything worse,’ Tally confided chokily. ‘I was having those horrible dreams night after night …’
Sander grimaced. ‘You wouldn’t even tell me about them.’
‘Those dreams were so crazy I didn’t dare tell you what was in them. I was afraid I was losing my mind,’ she said heavily and then she told him about how she had dreamt that she was frantically searching for their baby son who had died.
Sander was appalled. ‘If only you had told me. When you moved into another bedroom I saw it as another rejection. But you were just working through the grief process. We both were, in our different ways,’ Sander proffered with a grim shake of his handsome dark head. ‘I just didn’t know what to say to you because I felt so guilty.’
‘Did Oleia make you feel better?’ Tally asked him abruptly.
Sander groaned. ‘Worse. I must show you the letter she left for me with her solicitor. She explained why she didn’t tell me about Lili.’
Tally frowned. ‘Why?’ she prompted. ‘And why did you turn to her in the first place? Was it just because she was gorgeous?’
His dark deep-set eyes flamed gold and he jerked a broad shoulder in a clumsy shrug. ‘When you walked out on our marriage it was a massive rejection and it hurt. Oleia always made it clear that she wanted me. You didn’t want me. That’s how basic her attraction was,’ he revealed, shame-faced.
That truth hurt Tally as well, since even in the tumultuous miasma of sorrow she had still wanted Sander but had not felt able to let that side of her nature loose while she was still grieving. She swallowed back the thickness in her throat. ‘And why didn’t she tell you about Lili when she realised that she was pregnant?’
‘Oleia had her pride. The morning after that night,’ Sander specified tautly, his brilliant eyes veiled, his deep voice clipped, ‘she said to me, “You’re still madly in love with your wife, aren’t you?” I couldn’t lie to her.’
Tally was flabbergasted by that response and its ramifications.
Sander winced. ‘She was right and that’s why she saw no point in telling me about Lili. It was only when she realised that her daughter had a serious skin condition that she appreciated that she had to tell me because her daughter might need her father to raise her.’
‘Let me get this straight,’ Tally breathed unevenly. ‘You’re saying you were in love with me when we were first married?’
‘But I didn’t realise just how important you were to me until you walked out,’ Sander admitted in a driven undertone. ‘After Oleia hurt me when I was a teenager I swore I would never do love again.’
‘I sort of guessed that,’ Tally confided.
‘I thought love made a man weak and vulnerable,’ Sander confessed in a raw undertone. ‘I didn’t intend to fall for you and I didn’t know I had. Somehow you became integral to my peace of mind and happiness without me ever fully appreciating it until it was too late. I couldn’t bear to live my life without you.’
‘Oh, Sander …’ Her throat clogged with tears, Tally rested slim fingers against his cheekbones to frame his lean strong face. ‘If you love me you’re never going to have to live your life without me; in fact, you’re stuck with me forever!’
‘For ever has a beautiful sound to it,’ Sander muttered thickly, his arms tightening round her ribcage so much that he was threatening to crush the breath from her body. ‘I want you for ever. But I was so shocked when I found out about Lili. I was afraid she would finish us.’
‘She could have done,’ Tally conceded tightly. ‘I had to search my soul to accept her at first but now I’m beginning to love her on her own account. She needs both of us.’
‘You’ve been so generous …’ His dark deep voice was thick with emotion and when she glanced up at him she registered that his dark golden eyes were shimmering with moisture. ‘To her, most of all,’ he continued doggedly, determined to acknowledge her kind and loving heart. ‘It’s made me love you even more and appreciate that I really did marry a very special woman. And now you’re going to have our baby, my happiness is complete …’
A big hand splayed across her concave stomach and something of his fascination and pride shone in his eloquent gaze. His enthusiasm touched her deeply and healed the last of her doubts. She blinked back tears from her eyes and wrapped her arms round his neck, grateful that in spite of the events that had been sent to try them they had miraculously found each other again and with a love that was, after it all, much deeper and stronger than before. She had let grief take her over and exclude him and it had almost cost them their marriage, for they had not
known each other well enough to surmount those obstacles. This time around they were much more aware of each other’s needs.
‘I love you so much it hurts,’ she confessed.
‘What really hurts is trying to get by without you,’ Sander contradicted with the conviction of a male who had done that and, having suffered, had no intention of returning to those dark days. ‘I may be a late developer in the love stakes but I do value you as you should be valued. I know what a wonderful find you are.’
‘But it’s very quiet in the bedroom department,’ Tally remarked, tugging his tie out and working the knot loose with helpful fingers.
Sander settled shaken eyes on her. ‘But you rejected me …’
‘That was just one little kiss.’ Tally pouted. ‘A lady always reserves the right to change her mind. I never thought you would be so easily put off. What happened to all that Volakis drive and determination?’
Sander vented a startled laugh of appreciation and a wolfish grin banished his gravity. He brought his hungry mouth down on hers in a kiss that made her toes curl and her body leap joyously back to vibrant life. ‘Let me show you, agapi mou…’
Eighteen months later, Tally strolled out onto the terrace with a tray of lemonade and feeding beakers for the children.
Sander was watching Lili ride her little red toy car round the courtyard as their son, Timon, toddled behind it, his little face stamped with that famous strain of Volakis determination.
‘We need another toy car,’ Sander forecast as both toddlers pelted across the terrace to collect beakers of juice and biscuits from Tally, ‘before they start fighting over that one.’
At almost two years old, Lili was a slightly built child with silky dark curls and big dark eyes. Tally had officially adopted her. The couple divided their time between London and their home in the South of France. In the latter’s warmer climate, Lili’s eczema had improved beyond all expectations. As she clutched her beaker the little girl rested against Tally’s knee with one hand clutching at her skirt. Prone to being a little clingy, Lili was as deeply attached to her adoptive mother as Tally was to her. Shortly before Timon was born, Tally had read the letter that Oleia had left for Sander and she had cried over the sadness of it, knowing that, some day when Lili was old enough to understand adult relationships, she would give it to her daughter to read.