I help her downstairs and into the kitchen where I settle her on a seat before I take the milk from the fridge to warm up in the microwave.
“So is he a stranger or not?” Daisy suddenly asks.
I pause. “He’s your daddy.”
“My daddy?” Her voice fluctuates in tone, and I know exactly why.
I told her she didn’t have a daddy, but she did. Once.
I give her the mug and sit down with her. “I know I told you he was gone, but he wasn’t gone forever … just for a long time.”
“Oh, so I do have a daddy?”
“Mmmhmm.” I don’t know what to say. He’s a criminal. Not someone to look up to. How could she ever call him her daddy?
Hanson follows us downstairs in his pants, watching from the sidelines. He studies her closely but doesn’t take another step.
“How come he never came to visit?”
“I couldn’t.” Hanson speaks up, but the moment he does, he immediately shuts his mouth again as if surprised by his own words. He takes a step back again and gazes at his feet, probably wondering if he should stay or go. If he’s even welcome here.
“It’s okay,” I say, adding a soft smile. “You can come closer.”
“You sure? I don’t want to—”
“It’s too late to take back what we did,” I say.
He takes a deep breath and nods, then approaches.
“Hey, Daisy,” he says as she watches him with a curious look on her face. “So I take it you liked the stuffed toy?”
“Love it,” she says, revealing the plush from underneath her shirt. “He wants me to carry him with me.”
“Oh, does he now?” Hanson smiles, and for some reason, it ignites a warmth inside my heart I didn’t know I could feel.
Damn.
I’m falling hard when I really shouldn’t.
There’s so much wrong with everything that’s happening right now, but what can I do? What’s done is done, and I can’t change the past. The only thing I can do is make sure the future is better. That her future is guaranteed to be okay. That she’s happy. That’s all that matters.
And I think he knows that too.
He places his hand over hers and squeezes softly. “I’ve missed you.”
She smiles. “So you’re really my daddy?”
I guess it’s hard for her to believe, but he nods, laughing. She was too young to remember him, but now she’ll probably never forget.
“But Mommy said you—”
“Mommy said a lot of things to protect you, sweetie,” he interrupts. “And for good reasons.”
“How come you were away for so long?” she asks, raising a brow.
“Daddy had to do something important,” he says, cocking his head. “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
“Aw …”
“Daisy,” I say, trying to distract her, “Do you remember the card? In the mailbox?”
Her eyes light up. “Oh! Can I read it?”
“Yes, go grab it!” I say, and she immediately pulls her hand out from underneath Hanson’s and runs off to the mailbox just outside the door. I’m not afraid she’ll run off with him here. She’s way too curious.
Hanson breathes a sigh of relief. “I’ve missed this. Us. Together.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have—”
“I had no other choice!” he says harshly.
It’s silent for a while until he clears his throat, and says, “I apologize. I shouldn’t have yelled.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, unsure how to respond. He should know by now how I feel about all of this. That none of it should’ve ever happened. But here we are anyway, sitting in my kitchen and pretending we’re not a completely fucked-up family.
“It’s a card from Daddy!” Daisy says cheerfully as she runs back toward us, flailing the card around in her hands.
“And what does it say?” I ask.
“That he likes seeing me happy and that he wants to buy me more toys!” she says, and she makes the cutest squee sound ever. “Thank you!” She jumps up and down in front of Hanson.
“You’re welcome, kid.” He tousles her hair, making her giggle.
While she finishes her milk and keeps reading the card over and over again, it grows quiet.
“So what now?” I ask, gazing at him. “You know you can’t stay.”
He takes a deep breath. “I know. I just want you to know the truth.”
A pang of guilt surges through me. I immediately get off my seat and grab Daisy’s hand. “C’mon, time to go back to bed.”
“But I don’t wanna. I wanna stay with you guys,” she protests, but she doesn’t need to hear this.
I stop halfway to the staircase. “It’s time for some grown-up talk, Daisy. You’re not old enough yet.”
“Aww but I wanna know too!” She crosses her arms and pouts.
I let out a breath and bend over to her level. “You will, one day. I promise. When you’re older.”
“Promise?” She gazes up at me with big bug eyes.
“Promise,” I say, winking. Then I hug her tight and kiss her on the forehead. “Now, go on. Back to bed.”