I sit on the bench in front of the supermarket and stare at the card in my hand, wondering when I should try again. If I even should. I know she probably won’t read it. She’ll most likely throw it out into the trash right away.
I would too if I knew it came from me.
She’s frightened of me. Anyone would be if they knew what I’ve done. If they’d seen the choice I made.
Still, it broke me to see the fear in her eyes. All I want to do is give them both what they deserve.
But I guess it’ll have to wait until next time.
* * *
Before
The gun is shaking in my hand.
“Please, don’t!” the guy says.
“Shut up!” I yell back.
I try not to tremble, but I can’t stop my muscles from reacting to the adrenaline. Can’t stop my lungs from breathing out ragged breaths. Can’t stop my lips from quaking as I speak.
“Don’t say another word,” I say. My voice is fluctuating in tone, but I remain steadfast in my position … with the gun pointed straight at his head.
“Please, there has to be another way,” the man says.
There isn’t. This is the only way.
I’ve thought of all the other options. All the possible ways this could’ve gone. This was the sole choice I could make.
But he wouldn’t understand. No one ever would.
Even though the curtains in this shitty hospital room are closed, sunlight still peeks through and momentarily blinds me. He tries to take a step toward me, so I scream, “Stop!”
I don’t have time to waste. The longer I wait, the higher the chance guards will intervene. I can’t let it happen.
“Please, don’t do this,” the man utters, grasping the metal bed behind him that he’s shackled to.
I move my thumb to the safety and push it.
His pants turn a different shade of blue. He’s pissed himself. I guess any man would.
For a second there, I almost lower my gun, but then I stop myself midway. I pitied him when I shouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve the empathy.
This is where it gets tricky because I know that if I do this, I’m just like him.
I become what I hate the most. A criminal.
But knowing what he did, there isn’t a chance in hell I can let him live.
“Everyone will hear you shoot me,” he says.
I shake my head. “Not a chance. This thing’s got a silencer.”
“Please, I beg you. Let me go.” He’s getting desperate now. “I’m still going to die anyway, but it’ll be long and painful instead,” the man says, bawling his eyes out. It’s like he’s trying to come up with reasons he should live. As if you can call being a vile creature like him living.
He clasps his hands together. Mucus drips from his nose and mouth. He looks pathetic like that. I wonder if people will look the same at me when I’m done with him.
“I know you think you need to do this, but there are other ways to punish me. I’m already going to jail for a long time. Nothing’s worse than that for someone like me. What else do you want?”
Someone like him.
He means old men who touch little girls.
Even in prison, they’re the most hated scum on the planet.
“You deserve this,” I say, holding the gun against his head. I’m doing the world a favor.
“No, no, no, please!” he begs, still gazing at me as if it will change my mind.
Nothing ever will.
Not with this.
I made up my mind a long time ago. When I knew what was at stake.
But for her … I’ll gladly become a murderer.
Bang.
Chapter Four
Lillian
Present
I grab the bottle of pills I placed on the nightstand and take two of them out. Then I grab the glass of water and hold them in front of her. “There you go.”
Daisy sighs. “Do I really have to take those?”
I raise a brow and cock my head. Really? She’s going to try this again? “Yes, and you know why.”
“I know,” she says, swallowing. “But they taste nasty.”
“I’m sorry, honey. I would make them taste better if I could, but I can’t. Tell you what, pinch your nose closed while you swallow. Then it won’t be as bad.”
She frowns but grabs the pills nonetheless. “Fine.”
She takes the glass of water from my hand too and chugs down the pills. Pinching her nose, she clenches her eyes shut as if she’s having trouble downing them. Still, the thirst-quenching sound she makes when she’s done tells me it wasn’t quite as bad.
“Done!” She hands back the glass with glowing eyes.
“Good job.” I run my fingers through her hair and press a kiss to her cheeks. Then I grab her teddy bear and tuck it under the sheets with her. “Time to sleep.”
“Wait. Where’s Mr. Puddlewuddle?”
I narrow my eyes. “Excuse me, who?”
“The blue penguin I got!” She folds her arms. “Did you throw him away?”