But my heartbeat is still going crazy fast as I run out of the building and into the open air. The wind hits me hard, and I take a few seconds to catch my breath. The hot sun burns on my skin as I stare up at the sky, wondering what the hell I’m doing.
I shouldn’t get distracted by a boy like him.
He’s all trouble and nothing good.
Still, I can’t stop seeing his face in front of me, his eyes penetrating my soul.
Shake it off, Monica. He’s only doing it to taunt you. Don’t let him get to you.
“Hey, Monica!”
My eyes burst open. It’s Mel. She beckons me to come over to where she’s sitting on a blanket in the grass with a couple of friends I haven’t met yet. “Sit down with us.”
Smiling, I approach the group as Mel introduces me to them.
“This is Monica. We have a few classes together.”
“Hi,” I say to everyone.
“Sit, sit,” Mel pats the blanket. “Don’t be shy. Tell them about yourself.”
“Yeah, Monica,” one of the girls says. “It’s nice to meet you.” She holds out her hand and we shake. “I’m Becky.”
“Hi, Becky. I’m the new girl,” I say, laughing awkwardly.
“We know,” a guy to my right says. “It was hard to miss.”
“How?” I raise my brows. I thought I was blending in quite well.
“Relax, I’m just messing with ya,” he replies, and he winks. “You’re already fitting in.”
I smile back at him as he opens his mouth again, “Name’s Troy.”
“So what brings you to Black Mountain Academy?” asks another guy in the back, who’s casually leaning on his elbows.
“Don’t answer that. Jason’s just trolling you like he always does,” Mel says.
“I’m just curious,” he interjects.
“It’s fine,” I answer. “I needed a … new start.” I shrug. I’m not about to tell some random people I’ve never met before my entire life’s history, but a tiny inch of truth can’t hurt, right?
“A new start? From what?” he asks.
From what?
From …
Images from my previous school flash through my mind. All the people. Parties. Bobby.
I swallow, suddenly choked up.
“I …”
Everyone’s hanging on my words, but I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t know if I could ever say it out loud. Or if I even want to.
“Don’t answer if you don’t want to,” Mel says, placing a hand on my back.
“Yeah,” I reply, letting out a sigh of relief.
I don’t want to think about it.
“You know, you look like you could use this.” Some guy in the back suddenly pulls out a blunt he was smoking and tries to hand it to me.
All I can do is stare. Stare at the implications of taking a whiff. Of the effects it will have on me. Of all the things I wanted to forget.
My stomach churns, and I suddenly feel ill.
I stumble to get up from the blanket.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mel asks.
“Nothing, I … have to go,” I reply, trying to look at all of them, but I’m dizzy all of a sudden and can’t get my bearings. Mel grabs my arm and helps me stay standing. “Whoa, don’t fall.”
“It’s okay, I’m fine,” I reply.
“Sorry, I only wanted to offer you a smoke,” the guy says, sticking the blunt back into his mouth.
My skin feels prickly, icy and heated at the same time, as though I’ve just taken a cold shower and jumped straight into a hot tub. My brain is melting with the possible scenarios playing out in my mind, all of which are nightmares I never wished to imagine.
But to me, they are as real as can be.
Mel grabs my shoulders, the mere touch of her fingers on my skin, making me jolt up and down. She frowns as she looks at the goose bumps on my skin, and asks, “Hey, are you okay?”
I shake my head. I came here to escape it all, and now I’m confronted by it again. It never stops.
“Was it the question? I swear, they’re not normally like that. They’re just excited there’s a newbie.”
“I know,” I say, looking away because it’s not about that. Not at all. The question set me off, yes, but it’s the drugs that do me in.
I can’t. I just can’t.
I shake my head again, and say, “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
And then I turn around and walk off.
I can’t look back even though I can feel her eyes practically boring into my back, begging me to come back.
I won’t. I cannot associate myself with people who use, not in any way, or any amount, no matter how small or lighthearted the occasion. It reminds me too much of what happened to me. Of Bobby. Of my own past self, someone I no longer want to be.
So I run back into the school. Tears stain my eyes, but I push them away. I couldn’t stay there, and I hope Mel isn’t mad about it because I’d hate to lose her as a friend.