"At my parents."
"Not home with her mother?"
"No."
Maybe Zoey's mother worked. And wasn't Ethan being evasive? She'd bet she knew why. Might as well find out and get it over with. "So...did you end up marrying Amanda?"
He stilled and Riley bit her cheek, wishing she'd kept her mouth shut. Why couldn't she have talked about the weather or something?
"Yeah, about that."
"Hey, none of my business. Sorry."
"I did marry Amanda. In answer to your next question, yes, she's Zoey's mother."
"Okay. Look, Ethan, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have--"
"Amanda died four years ago."
The sidewalk spun out from under her. She stopped, turned and stared at him. "What?"
Ethan dragged his fingers through his hair. "Shit. Not the way I wanted to tell you this. I should have told you sooner, but didn't want to in front of Zoey. It's not something you blurt out when you first see someone after ten years."
She hadn't heard anything he'd said, his earlier words still spinning around in her head. "She died?"
"Yes."
Riley knew she was staring, but she had no idea what to say. Shock left her speechless. She'd had so many things she'd wanted to say to Ethan and Amanda, so many of them self-righteous, so many of them scathing and damning. She'd even had a speech all planned out, full of indignation and finger pointing, everything she'd wanted to say ten years ago and couldn't because she'd run. And all her anger and hurt had just disappeared into the ether. Her chest tightened. She reached up and rubbed the aching spot on her breastbone.
Had everyone she cared about died while she was gone? It suddenly seemed that way. Tears sprang fresh again and she finally made eye contact with Ethan and saw the pain in his eyes. "Oh God. Oh, Ethan, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
There was kindness in his face, sympathy for her she knew she didn't deserve.
"I know you didn't."
She had no idea what to say, could only gawk at him as she stood rooted to the spot, frozen in time as she was propelled back ten years ago, before she found Ethan in bed with her best friend. Back when Amanda and she were tight, were best buds. When they used to laugh with each other, share all their secrets. They'd been inseparable then, had vowed to never be apart.
They were supposed to be best friends forever.
And then one night had shattered all that and she'd never spoken to Amanda again.
Now she'd never be able to.
"Riley?"
Pulling herself from the past, she looked around at the crowds, at the people who slowed down to stare, and finally dragged her gaze to Ethan.
What must he think of her? He was the one who'd lost everything. He'd lost his wife, the woman he'd obviously loved. Zoey had lost her mother.
"What happened? You don't want to talk about this, do you? It's none of my business. I'm sorry. I should move on instead of asking questions you don't want to answer."
Ethan knew the time would come when he'd have to tell Riley about Amanda. He just hadn't figured it would be right now. Then again, would there ever be a right time?
Judging from her shocked and pale face, probably not.
"Come on." He took her arm and led her through the library and out the back door, waving at Barb, the head librarian, as they hurried past. On the other side of the street was the construction trailer. He opened the door for her and she stepped inside.
Fortunately, they were alone.
"Have a seat. Want something to drink?"
"No, thanks. Really, you don't have to--"
"It was leukemia, and it was bad. She didn't make it a year after the diagnosis. We tried everything. Chemo, radiation, alternative treatments, but it was aggressive. There was nothing we could do."
Riley stared up at him. "That's too young. She was, what? Twenty-four or so?"
"Yeah."
"I'm...not in touch with people here. I didn't know."
He shrugged and leaned against the desk. "No reason for you to know."
She inhaled and shuddered out a sigh. "So many people I knew. My whole life was here and I just walked away from it. From everyone." She lifted her gaze to his. "It's not like I didn't care. I did."
"I know." And he did. He understood why. He was the reason. He and Amanda.
"I never hated you. I never hated her."
He gave her a faint smile. "Yes you did."
Her eyes filled with tears. She let them slide down her cheeks. He hated being the cause of her pain again.
"Dammit, Ethan. She's dead. I never wanted that. I was angry and hurt, but I never wished harm to Amanda."
He pushed off the desk and came to her, kneeled in front of her. "Don't cry. I know you didn't. Amanda dying isn't on you. It was a circumstance."
She sniffed, shoved the heel of one hand under her chin. "I'm just so sorry for you and for Zoey. It's a horrible thing."
"Zoey's resilient. She misses her mom, but she has me, her uncles, and my parents."
"What about Amanda's parents?"
Ethan shook his head. "They took her death hard. Really hard. They withdrew and couldn't cope, not even with Zoey."
Her eyes widened. "Good God. How could they miss connecting with Zoey?"
Ethan stood, shrugged. "Don't ask me. I tried to reach out to them, but they wanted no part of me or Zoey after Amanda died. They left town a year later, said they couldn't handle the memories."
Riley shook her head. "That makes no sense, Ethan. Zoey was their connection to her."
"Don't ask me to explain them. I can't."
"I'm sorry for them, but not surprised. They were always so wrapped up in Amanda. She was their life."
"Losing her broke them. They were so angry, bitter, blamed me for it."
"How could they blame you for a disease? You didn't give her leukemia."
"I shouldered it because they needed to blame someone for the senseless loss of their little girl. How else do you explain why a twenty-four-year-old healthy woman dies?"
Riley bent her head to her chest for a few minutes and Ethan let her grieve. When she lifted her head, she wiped her eyes and straightened her shoulders. But the pain in her eyes--that shredded him. It brought back the loss as if it had just happened yesterday.
If she hadn't left, she would have been here when Amanda died.
That was on him. He had to bear some of the responsibility for that.
"It's good that you've been there for Zoey. She needs you."
He relaxed, thought about Zoey. "She's everything to me. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. She's the only thing I've ever done right."
Riley wanted to ask him what his mistakes were, but she saw the raw hurt in his eyes, and the pride when he talked about his daughter. She wouldn't push any further, not after what he'd told her about Amanda.
Amanda had been her best friend once. There'd been a lot of water under the bridge since she'd left, a lot of betrayal and hurt, but for a very long time Amanda had been the closest thing to a sister Riley would ever have.
If she'd stayed in touch with the town, with Amanda, if she'd learned forgiveness sooner, she'd have known. She could have been here for her best friend during the last year of her life.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here for her."
"You didn't need to be, but if it's any comfort to you, Amanda felt awful about what happened. She said if I ever saw you again I was supposed to tell you that."
Riley's eyes widened. "I don't want to hear that."
Ethan frowned. "Why not?"
"Because now I can't tell her that I'm sorry, too. I said some terrible things to her before I left. I hurt her."
She'd hurt them both, but she couldn't make it right with Amanda now. She'd called Amanda a slut and Ethan a cheating bastard, and then left them both in the dust and never looked back.
Ethan hooked his thumbs in his jeans, the action so familiar to her it caused an ache in her throat.
"From what I remembe
r she did the same to you."
"And now you tell me she said she was sorry. I'll never get the chance to tell her."