Which, to be clear, is really annoying and distracting. My whole body aches, and if my nipples got any harder, I think they’d actually turn to stone and fall off.
“I volunteer at this great program for seniors,” Gabriel is telling my grandmas. Good lord god, he’s gorgeous, and he’s talking with his hands, too. Clearly, he’s really into this. It makes my heart swell to see him like that, interacting with my family and my grandmas, who I love so much. Not many people like old people, but I can tell Gabriel isn’t just pretending. He has no idea I’m standing behind him, observing everything. “We put it on at a library in Seattle. It runs every single night, but I volunteer once a week. Getting seniors online can be a really great thing for them. Using a computer and a smartphone isn’t just for young people. They can be great tools to help people stay connected. Loneliness and isolation are very real for a lot of people, and I think technology can be a great tool to bridge that gap. It’s not just great for communication either. There are some amazing tutorials online, games, hobbies, all of it…” Gabriel goes on, talking more about technology and seniors, and my grandmas stay dialed right into it.
Great.
Not only am I utterly enamored with Gabriel, my grandmas, including the one I was named after, is too. Gabriel has both Pearls wrapped around his finger. Effortlessly. He slid into my life so freaking effortlessly, and now, after just a few days, it’s hard to imagine him sliding right out of it.
Stop him then. I could make him stay. I could tell him this isn’t so fake for me anymore.
But you’re the one who wanted no strings attached. You’re the one who’s afraid of getting hurt again. All guys are assholes, remember? You know it’s the truth. Just because he’s shiny and flashy at the beginning doesn’t mean he won’t turn into a giant douche canoe shortly. Or in a few months. A year. Whatever. It always ends the same way. Okay, maybe not always. Guys don’t always do the whole threesome thing in your bed, but the fact that it just goes to bullshit and it kind of really hurts is pretty much guaranteed.
Stop it. This isn’t tomorrow. It’s tonight. If you want no strings attached, you can still have it. He’s right there. Maybe he wants no strings too. Maybe shit is getting real for him, and he wouldn’t mind finding a freaking janitor’s closet or skipping out back to my parent’s house and banging for a few hours before they leave the wedding.
Enough. You’re sick.
I’m not sick. You’re sick. My brain tries to argue with me.
I knock off the internal debate because it’s just getting weird. I don’t usually argue with myself. And no, I’m not hearing voices. It’s all just me running through my options, reminding myself why Gabriel is here with me in the first place, and thinking about breaking all the rules, just for tonight.
I’m not a one-night stand kind of person, for the record. I’ve never done that before. I’ve never wanted to do that before. I don’t want to do that now, but if it’s the only way to have Gabriel, the safest way for my emotions and heart and all that, then I might take it. I don’t know. We’ll cross that line when we get to it. If we get to it. Shit. How am I thinking about lines already? There aren’t supposed to be lines. Or maybe there should be because I need to draw the line somewhere.
Enough.
I swallow hard, gather my courage, and step forward. I set my hand gently on Gabriel’s shoulder. He starts, but just a little. I feel the tremor go through him, and it makes me all tremor-y and tingly in response. All over.
“Hey,” I say softly. “I thought I’d come and rescue you now that I’m done with my duties for the day and am officially free, but I see you’re having a great time. You’ve been commandeered by my grandmas.”
“Talking to two beautiful women is a great way to pass the time until the most beautiful woman of all can come and join me.”
My grandmas both titter softly behind their hands. Oh my god. Is Grandma Pearl blushing? I think she’s blushing. Jesus. I know I’m probably scarlet.
“Stop,” I whisper. What I want to say is he doesn’t have to fake it. Everyone already loves him, but when I look at his eyes, which are sparkly and shiny and beautiful, like the rest of him, I can’t see anything that’s not genuine.
“Looks like she’s come to steal our entertainment for the evening,” Grandpa Pearl says. “At least do us the honor and give us a dance. We’d love to watch that. Then you can escape to find a broom closet or ditch this joint or whatever you had planned.”