Johnathan is a big man, and the suit he’s wearing doesn’t take away from that fact. If anything, it only makes it more obvious. Especially since it looks so foreign on him. With all the tattoos on his neck and hands, his long, dirty blond hair, and bushy beard, he looks almost absurd squeezed into the suit the way he is.
Lip curling with disgust, Trent glares at Johnathan. “My father—”
Smirking at the look on Trent’s face, Johnathan cuts him off. His deeper voice drowning him out. “You go tell your father, boy, that he doesn’t have to worry about her. She’s in good hands.”
Jaw snapping shut, Trent’s eyes flash with anger. For a second, he looks like he wants to say something. Something probably insulting. Then he shakes his head and tries to simply step around Johnathan.
Having none of it, Johnathan immediately moves to block him off. “I said go, boy,” he says, starting to sound angry as he puffs his chest out.
Johnathan and I haven’t always gotten along. There was a time, back when he and Beth first hooked up, that I felt like he hated my guts.
But over the past few months, we’ve slowly and gradually been growing more cordial.
It probably helps that I’m willing to babysit their son, Charlie, for them anytime they want to go out.
It also probably helps that despite the fact that my father is… was… the Police Chief, I pretend I don’t know Johnathan is a member of the most powerful criminal organization in Garden City.
So the fact that’s he’s sticking up for me right now is not only surprising, it’s touching in a way.
Trent tries once more to step around Johnathan, his eyes meeting mine. “Sophia,” he practically pleads.
Hoping he’ll get the hint this time and go away, I turn my back on Trent and face my father’s casket.
“I’m not going to say it again, go,” I hear Jonathan warn, and feel an immense amount of gratitude when Trent sighs in defeat.
“Fine,” Trent says in frustration before raising his voice. “But I’ll be checking in on you later, Sophia.”
“You’ll leave her alone if you know what’s good for you,” Johnathan grumbles under his breath after a few moments.
Taking that as a sign that Trent has finally left, I close my eyes and try to steel myself again.
Then I open them and take the last dreaded steps.
Approaching my father’s casket, the numbness I’ve used as protection begins to crack.
I don’t know if I can do this.
I don’t know if I can say goodbye yet…
As if they know exactly what I need, I sense Amanda and Beth coming up beside me as I cross the last few feet.
Their support isn’t enough though to counter the sheer amount of grief that slams into me.
My father… My father is in a wooden box.
The man who chased the monsters out of my closet and kissed all my cuts and bruises better is in a box that will go into the ground.
At least six feet of dirt will now forever separate us.
I didn’t even get to tell him goodbye before he left that night.
I didn’t get to hug him one last time.
I didn’t get to imprint everything about him into my memory so I don’t forget it.
Oh god, I forgot so much about my mother. Things just slipped away from me…
And now I’ll forget him.
“I’m sorry,” I sob as the first tears break free from the prison I’ve kept them in. “I’m so sorry.”
I don’t know what he was thinking, or why he did what he did, but I can’t help but feel like it was my fault.
If I hadn’t been so fucking stupid… If I hadn’t insisted on taking Beth to Johnathan’s bar, none of this would have happened.
My world would still be complete.
If we had stayed at my place, like everyone wanted, my friends and I wouldn’t have been taken. If we had stayed at my place that night, my father wouldn’t have been anywhere near the Russians.
He would still be alive today.
It’s my fault. All my fault.
And I can’t fix it.
There’s no fixing or undoing this.
The passing of time is meaningless as I stand beside my father’s casket, unable to bring myself to walk away from him.
My feet rooted to the spot partly out of sheer grief and partly out of penitence.
Thunder cracks and the sky opens up, unleashing the rain it’s been threatening us with all day.
And even after trying to say goodbye and mean it, I still I can’t bring myself to walk away as the first big, fat drops fall upon me.
Vaguely, I’m aware of Beth making a sound of distress and Johnathan arguing that’s it’s time to leave.
Amanda shivers beside me and tugs at my sleeve.
Lost in the pain, it all means nothing to me.
Eventually, their voices fade away, leaving me in peace. The rain begins to come down in sheets, but somehow none of it is touching me.