Somehow, even when I doubted everything else, I never doubted that. Of course he does. Now that he’s not reacting emotionally, he’s focusing on the only thing that matters. That should make me happy. No matter what my personal feelings are, the faction matters more. I have to remember that instead of striking out at him until he reacts to me the way he does to Abel. I didn’t even realize how much distance Eli’s held me at all this time until Abel showed up and I realized how he acts when that distance isn’t a factor. Oh, he might hate Abel right now, but their history is written all over them. The intimacy of being close friends for most of their lives.
No reason to feel jealous of that. I’ve given up any hope of my happily ever after a year ago when I realized nothing would ever change between us. All I have left is the responsibility to the people who live in this faction. That’s it. “So do I.”
“With that in mind, I…” He takes a slow breath. “We need to put our personal feelings aside and deal with Abel.”
I stare at him a long moment. “Eli.” I take a breath and cling to calm with everything I have. “Please tell me that you’re not going to break your word.”
“There’s nothing in the agreement that guarantees his safety.”
I ignore the spike of fear that sentence brings. I don’t like Abel. I mean, I might kind of enjoy him, just a little, but he’s not a good man. No matter what promises he’s made to me, I can’t trust him beyond this year. I have to remember that. Always. “In fact, that’s exactly what the Bride agreement guarantees. Peace between our people and his for the duration of the year.”
“Peace doesn’t mean he suffers no accidents.”
For fuck’s sake. Eli is just proving that he hasn’t learned anything after all.
“We talked about this. Even if you managed to do something to him, he’s got six brothers who will be howling for your blood and who will turn around and punish our people for your sins. Not to mention breaking one Bridal agreement paves the way for the other factions to do the same. They’ll crush us.”
“The only way I’d stage another coup is if I could take all the Paine brothers out. If I do that, the other factions will have no reason to fight us. Not when their people are returned to them.”
I can’t believe I’m hearing this. I carefully, oh so carefully, set my cup on the tea cart. It’s either that or throw it at his head. “So what you’re saying is that you haven’t learned anything at all. I want no part of whatever you’re planning.” I lean forward and meet his gaze. “You will fail, Eli. He’s too good, and his brothers and his people are too capable. And when you fail, I’ll be the one who’s forced to pick up the pieces and do damage control. Again.”
“Damage control like fucking Abel.”
I push to my feet. “I’m not having this conversation.”
He drapes his arms over his chair, his expression lightly mocking. I’ve seen him with that look in his eyes more times than I can count, but never directed at me. He used to know better than to use his public persona on me. Even bracing for it, his words still lash me. “I thought you got over your knee-jerk reaction to run from things that scare you.”
He did not just say that.
Rage sears every last bit of control I have. I plant my hands on the arms of his chair and glare. “You don’t scare me, Eli. You’re a fool, and I’m scared of the consequences of your actions, but I am not scared of you. If you laid one hand on me, I’d cut it off, and you know it.”
Slowly, oh so slowly, he lifts his hand and presses it to my upper chest. “Prove it.”
I slap his hand away, but he catches my wrist. I yank, but it’s no use. Eli might be built leaner than Abel, but he’s still far too strong for me. “Let go.”
“No.”
Playing tug-a-war on my wrist will only hurt me. So I stop trying to pull free. “You want to know why I fucked Abel? Because it was my duty.”
“The first time.”
“Yeah, the first time.” Poison wells up in my throat, and despite my best efforts to swallow it back down again, it drips from my lips. “You want to know why I fucked him again? Because I am so angry at you, I wanted to hurt you so you’d finally see me. Because it didn’t fucking work, and you hurt me instead. Because when he touches me, I forget everything, and that’s what I need right now. There. Is that what you wanted to know? Do you feel better, Eli? Because I sure as hell don’t.”