“I licked at you until you arched your back off the bed and came. And I made you come again and again. Until you begged me. Until you screamed and kicked and sobbed and begged me to fuck you.”
The ache in my groin was almost painful. I squeezed my hands into fists. “Mm-hmm.”
“And then, only then, did I put my cock against you. Do you remember how soaking wet you were? I put the head against you, and you were tight, you weren’t used to me and you weren’t sure you could take me.”
Oh God. I hauled my skirt up my thighs.
“But you did take me. All of me. Right. Up. Inside. You.”
I plunged my hand into my panties and started to rub myself.
“And I fucked you slow and deep and then hard and fast. Until you clawed at my back and screamed. Until I felt your tight little pussy clench around me as you came for me.”
I pressed my lips tight together, but I couldn’t make my climax completely silent. It came out as a guttural sound in my throat, a helpless, shameful admission. I folded forwards at the waist, my hand trapped between my thighs, rocking and rocking against my slick fingers as I rode it out. By the end of it, I was so shaky-legged, I could barely stand.
I realized he’d gone silent. He was listening. He knew exactly what I’d been doing. I drew in a long, shocked breath. Did I really just do that? I hadn’t intended to…. I frantically pushed my skirt back into place. God, the control he had over me, just with that voice….
“Go and have your surgery,” he told me. “Get well. And come back to me.” And he hung up.
10
Konstantin
I HUNG UP and stood for a moment at the window. The mansion’s overgrown gardens were below me, but I didn’t really see them. I was thinking about Christina. About my weakness.
It was at night that I missed her most. In sleep, it’s more difficult to maintain control. Before Christina, even with vodka to knock me out, I used to have vague, troubling dreams: cold, black water that sucked me down and leached the warmth from my body until there was nothing left.
I’d fuck women for the release, but I wouldn’t let any of them share my bed and I wouldn’t ever see the same woman twice. That would be weak.
Then I found Christina by the side of the road and took her back to the mansion. It was only ever meant to be a one night thing. But after sex with her and a shared vodka, I dropped into a sleep so deep, the dreams couldn’t reach me, so deep I was still sluggish and groggy the next morning.
By pure chance, I’d met my ideal partner. Christina was as cold and ruthless as me. Cruel, even, in ways that I wasn’t always comfortable with, and jealous. But those qualities meant she had no problem with who I was and what I did. She even seemed to relish my reputation. She didn’t love me and I didn’t love her. She didn’t need conversation or romance, she didn’t care that I shut myself in my office all day, tending to my empire. She didn’t mind my obsession, my taking New York street by street, neighborhood by neighborhood, grabbing more and more and more power, anything to fill that yawning, black void where my heart used to be.
We were perfect for each other. And so I asked her to stay. I knew I’d never be close to her, because I’d never be close to anyone. But I gave her money and clothes and she seemed satisfied with that.
Since she’d been away, the dreams had returned. I knew that needing her—needing anyone—was a weakness, but I couldn’t help it.
Talking to her on the phone, hearing her breathing tighten as she rubbed herself, had left me iron-hard in my pants. Getting through the next three weeks was going to be hell.
When she came back, she’d better be ready. Because the moment, the very second her plane landed, I was going to race back to the mansion with her and hurl her on the bed.
11
Hailey
IT WAS TIME for the operation. I was perched on the edge of a bed in a hospital gown, waiting for Doctor Franklin. Calahan sat in a chair next to me, holding my hand, and brooding.
I looked in the mirror on the wall. This is the last few minutes I’ll ever be Hailey. I was trying to contain my panic, but as the minutes passed, it rose higher and higher in my chest. When it reached my mouth, I suddenly blurted, “It’s just a disguise, right?”
Calahan had been glowering at the floor. His head snapped up to look at me.
“Just like wearing a mask,” I reasoned, but my voice was cracking. One I can never, ever take off.