I kept falling, down and down into the blackness, the pressure building and building as I went deeper. I could feel myself imploding, and there was no one to hear my scream because down here, I was all alone.
Then I felt a hand in mine. Bethany.
A determined wet nose found my other hand, licked and then snuffled. Rufus.
I wasn’t alone.
I blinked my way free of it and looked down at the two of them. Both had the same look of concern on their face. Shame bloomed across my face.
I marched off down the street towards the path that would lead home. I could hear Bethany hurrying to catch up. “Cal!”
My shoulders rose. I scowled at the ground and kept walking.
“Are you okay?” Bethany asked from beside me.
I nodded quickly, still walking. The shame was turning to hot, dark rage, turned inward.
“We can talk about it,” she said. She was having to almost run to keep up with me.
I gave a quick shake of my head, still refusing to look at her.
“We should talk about it.”
I finally stopped and rounded on her. “I don’t need to talk about it!” I snapped. I was mad at myself, not her, but I was such a mess, it just boiled out of me, seeking any target that was there. “I was doing fine until—”
I managed to cut myself off, but it was too late.
Those big brown eyes stared up at me, as shocked as if I’d slapped her. She looked away, and when she looked back, her eyes were shining. “Until I came along?” she asked, her voice cracking.
Shit.
She set off along the street. Rufus looked up at me, worried, and then trotted after her. I raced after them. “Bethany!” I called. “Bethany!”
She slowed but didn’t stop. I had to grab her arm and spin her around. “Stop!”
She looked up at me, guarded and hurt. I felt about an inch tall. And I had no clue how to handle this, I wasn’t used to talking to people, least of all women, least of all tearful women I’d upset. “Sorry,” I said at last. Then, “I wasn’t.”
“You weren’t what?” she asked, her voice shaking.
I took a deep breath. “I wasn’t doing fine before you came along.”
She looked right into my eyes, checking to see if I was telling the truth. I stared right back, because I was, and eventually, she gave a quick little nod, a blink and a sniff. “You do need to talk about it,” she said. “To someone, even if it’s not me.”
I gazed helplessly into her eyes. I’ve never felt so vulnerable. “There ain’t no one but you.”
And suddenly, she just lifted her arms and...I don’t know how it happened, exactly, I don’t know if I went to her or she went to me, but suddenly we had our arms around each other and it wasn’t about sex, it wasn’t even about love, it was something deeper. A promise that she’d be there for me, when I was ready, and that I’d always be there for her.
Aw hell. I tightened my arms around her back and crushed her close. This girl was special. So special. I inhaled the scent of her hair, felt the softness of her mold to me. I didn’t just want her, anymore, I needed her. But nothing had changed. I couldn’t have her. Didn’t deserve the way she made my chest lift and my lungs fill. I didn’t deserve one second of that peace, that happiness. And she deserved a hell of a lot better than me.
I knew all that. But I still couldn’t let her go.
And then, over her shoulder, I saw something weird. We were next to a store window and in the glass, there was a reflection of Bethany’s face. But it wasn’t her face casting the reflection: this was a bright, black-and-white image, like from a TV. I frowned at it, then slowly released Bethany, trying to figure out where it was coming from. Was there a TV inside the store? No….
I turned the other way. A State Police car was sitting right next to us at the curb. It must have pulled up while we’d been busy hugging, and the cops must have gone into one of the stores because there was no one sitting in it. But the computer monitor between the seats was lit up, and on it was a full-screen picture of Bethany.
I let go of her and gently turned her around so she could see. Together, we moved closer to the car, peeking through the window. I could just make out the words Alert, and Arrest and Detain.
The men at the mansion weren’t waiting for her to go to the police. They were using the police to find her. Her picture was probably all over the state. Shit. We’d completely underestimated them.