Nothing.
I pressed my ear to the glass and listened. The silence triggered tears, and my bottom lip quivered. I leaned in harder, the coldness of the window offsetting the burning sensation the pressure ignited throughout my ear. My eyes clenched shut as I silently begged someone inside to relieve my fears.
Finally, I pulled away from the window, looking down the street. A tear welled up and broke free, sliding down my cheek. I wiped it, and as I did, my elbow bumped into the glass. Without a second thought, I reared back and let my elbow make contact with the glass a second time, the corner of my bones an extension of all of the frustration and fear pulsing through my body. The window shattered. It wasn’t as loud as I thought it would be. Large chunks broke off, some falling inside the dining room, and some at my feet.
“Andrew?” I whispered loudly.
After pulling myself inside, I searched every room, every closet, every corner of the house. Something wasn’t right, though. The girls’ jackets weren’t crumpled on the floor, their drawers weren’t cracked open, and none of Halle’s drawings were scattered on the table. They had never come home. They must have been at the town meeting with the governor when the outbreak happened. They could be trapped inside a shelter with the governor, or Andrew could have run with them. They could be anywhere.
“Goddamnit,” I said, louder than I’d spoken in hours. “Goddamnit!” I screamed. I picked up Andrew’s dining room chair and launched it across the room, and then lost my balance, falling to my knees. “No,” I cried, crumpling into a ball on the floor. I saw their little faces, innocent and frightened, wondering where I was and if I was safe, just as I was wondering about them. I couldn’t do this if I wasn’t with them. I needed to see Jenna roll her eyes at me again, and for Halle to interrupt me. They needed me to tell them that everything would be okay. We couldn’t survive the end of the world without each other. I didn’t want to. Sobs built up and released with such ferocity that my entire body shook. Certainly someone would hear me, my screaming and bawling was probably the only sound that could be heard in the entire godforsaken town.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, letting the guilt and despair wash over me. I leaned over and let my forehead and arms rest against the carpet; my hands clasped together above my head. Before long, extreme exhaustion pulled and tugged on my consciousness like I’d never felt before. The sobbing quieted, and within moments, I fell into a vast sea of darkness. The depths surrounded me on all sides, and eventually I was swallowed up by it, warm and calm.
Tornado sirens. Odd. I didn’t remember the meteorologist mentioning a storm that morning. It wasn’t a test. They tested at noon every Thursday, and today was . . . I wasn’t sure what day it was.
The first thing I noticed when my eyes peeled open was baseboard, and the way the carpet was newer closer to the wall than farther out where people walked. I used to notice those things when I was a child, when I spent more time on the floor: playing, watching television, being bored. I spent so much of my childhood on the floor. As an adult, I couldn’t remember the last time I had this view. But the carpet between my fingers wasn’t mine.
My eyes burned. Tears had washed all of my mascara in and out of my eyes, leaving them dry and on fire. The second I remembered why I’d been crying, my head popped up, and I took a quick glance around the dark room. The tornado sirens were blaring. They could be malfunctioning, or there had been a breach.
On my hands and knees, I quickly made my way to Andrew’s front door. The streets were still empty, but the sirens continued to wail. The church in Fairview crossed my mind, and I prayed the sirens would stop. The noise would draw every shuffler for miles.
I pulled open the wooden door, and pressed the side of my face against the glass of the storm door. My breath blew moist, visible air in quickly disappearing puffs, clouding my view. When I saw the first person running down the street, intermittently exposed by the street lamps, the breaths became a single gasp.
She was older, maybe in her fifties, but she was alive. Even from a block away, I could see the horror in her eyes. A few seconds later two men—one holding a child—and a woman appeared before they slipped into darkness again. Then five more, and then a dozen. Men, women, and children. At least fifty had passed before I spotted the first shuffler. I could only make him out because he happened to take someone down just under the street lamp. Not long after, several more shufflers became part of the crowd. The screaming slowly built from one or two intermittent cries to full-blown panic. The crowd seemed to spread out, but they were all coming from the same place; from wherever they were held with the governor, maybe. It seemed like the entire town was in the street, running for their lives. My eyes squinted, desperately searching for Andrew and the girls, hoping they would turn down his street from the main road any minute, but as the river of people thinned out, I began to lose hope.
Tears threatened to moisten my eyes once again, but instead I let anger take control. The helplessness I felt at not being able to get to my children sent me into a rage. I ran to Andrew’s bedroom and searched his closet. He kept a hunting rifle and a 9mm. Just in case he happened to come back here, I left the rifle and grabbed a backpack from the back, filling it with ammo. My movements were clumsy, both from the adrenaline pumping through my body, and because I hadn’t held a gun since before my divorce. I took a few cans of food. The can opener was in the silverware drawer, but I left it, hopeful that Andrew would remember to pack it if he wasn’t already on the road. I also took a plastic reusable water bottle.
Not until I made my way to the laundry room did I come across anything really useful: a flashlight, some batteries, a large screwdriver, and a folding knife.
I grabbed one more item, zipped the backpack, and then returned to the front room. I pulled some frames off the wall, and then shook the can in my hand. The aerosol hissed as I pressed my index finger on the trigger, my arm swaying with the silent music of my good-bye as it formed large, conspicuous black words.
I watched the paint drip from the letters, hoping that it was enough; that in the middle of this hell my children would remember the name of Dr. Hayes’s ranch, and tell their father how to get there. If Andrew was in that crowd running from the town hall, he would bring them here.
I let the can drop to the floor, and then looked out the glass column of the front door again, seeing slower, shuffling dead ambling down the main road, following the scent of the living. Andrew had gotten our daughters out somehow, before the breach. I had to believe that, and I had to trust that my next decision was the right one.