“I’m going to miss you when you go back to Elazar,” Cinnia said as Henri left.
“I know. This has been really nice.”
Quite by accident, Cinnia had been the first to know Trella was pregnant, when she had been hiding her own pregnancy from Henri. They had become very close in those early months and sharing these weeks of new motherhood had deepened their sister-like bond.
“Is it going to be okay living there, do you think?” The simple question was the reason Trella loved Cinnia. Her sister-in-law invited confidence but didn’t intrude.
Trella sighed, daunted enough by the future to admit, “I have no idea. I feel good. Physically, I mean. And stable, mentally. But I’m here. That always helps.”
“At least I knew Henri when I was in your shoes.” Cinnia had been Henri’s mistress for years before her pregnancy tore them apart and drew them back together. “It must be hard, having a baby and still being at the getting-to-know-you stage. You two haven’t had a proper chance, have you?”
“No.” Two nights and daily hospital visits that she’d said she didn’t need.
She had, though. She’d soaked up his duty visits like sunshine, trying not to read into the kiss they’d shared when they wed. He’d seemed to be pretending it hadn’t happened, sticking to chatting very generally about whatever meeting he’d been in or whatever political scandal was trending.
When he’d gone through her sketchbook, she’d felt very vulnerable, especially when he found the one she’d done of them. Why had she thought it was a good idea to give it to him? He’d probably thrown it out, but she had longed so badly for him to feel something about their wedding day.
He’d looked...touched? Whatever the softening in his face had been, it had caused her to moon so obviously, he’d flinched and looked away.
She was such an idiot. He was probably feeling put-upon. When they did connect over the tablet, he had seemed remote. He wasn’t impatient, but she had the sense his prevailing mood was resignation.
She was trying to resign herself as well. Years of therapy had taught her to focus on one small piece of the future at a time. When he had crushed her soul with his news that their marriage would be temporary, she hadn’t tried to imagine what her life would look like after their divorce. She had focused on making it to term with her pregnancy.
Once Tyrol had arrived, she’d come here, where she’d been able to focus on Tyrol and her recovery. Returning to Elazar and her looming divorce wasn’t something she was ready to contemplate. She didn’t even know how to handle the two and a half months left in their brief marriage!
Making a concerted effort to include Xavier in Tyrol’s progress had seemed like the right thing to do. She told herself it was her way of encouraging a bond between father and son, but she knew there was a part of her that liked having an excuse to reach out to him. She was still trying to push for something that was futile.
But just when his reticence had her convinced he felt nothing, he would surprise her by phoning to ask how things were going. He would linger on a video call after she’d run out of things to say, seeming content to stare at a sleeping baby over a screen.
Such a confounding man.
She glanced to where Tyrol slept; the one thing in all of this that made her unspeakably proud. If everything she’d been through in her life, all the pain and traumas and anguish had had to happen in order to bring her son into this world, so be it. She accepted all of it.
“Has your doctor really forbidden you to have another?”
“We talked it over several times through the pregnancy. It was my idea that she would tie my tubes during delivery, so I wouldn’t need another surgery in the future. She did. I’m not sorry, or even very sad. I resigned myself a long time ago to not being able to get pregnant. He’s truly a miracle. The delivery was such a near miss, though. I wouldn’t want to push my luck, especially now he’s here and needs me.”
Cinnia nodded. “What about a surrogate? I’m sorry. Maybe that’s not something you’d consider?”
“Gili told me years ago she would be my surrogate, but that was before Kasim.” She tucked her chin. “Can you imagine his reaction?”
“He gives her anything she asks for.” Cinnia closed her grin on her fork. “His head would literally explode trying to decide whether to be possessive or indulgent.”
“Right?” They both chuckled, then Trella sobered. “They would want to secure his heirs before even thinking of it, anyway. I don’t see Xavier wanting to wait.” There is a reason for a spare. “Maybe I’ll find a surrogate someday, but I don’t think that would change Xavier’s mind about us. It’s not just about another baby. We’re not you and Henri.” Or Gili and Kasim. Or Ramon and Isidora. “He has other considerations.”