You’re neglecting your duties.
“No, I can’t.” This was it, he realized. The fracture that had begun working its way through him on their wedding day began to cleave open, tearing him apart. But he had no choice. “The Deunoros spend Christmas here.”
“And I’m not a Deunoro. Why should he spend Christmas with her? She hasn’t even looked at him since—”
“Leave it.”
She buttoned her lip, but the glare she sent dropped the room temperature lower than it had been on the sleeting day of Tyrol’s christening.
He couldn’t let her bring it up because he was ashamed of his grandmother’s behavior. Rather than the traditional pomp of open-topped carriages and a public stroll with the future monarch back to the palace, they’d all traveled by car. His grandmother had come in her own, arriving last and leaving first. Exactly one photo had been taken of Queen Julia standing with her grandson at her side and her great-grandson in his bassinet. Trella had been left out of the picture.
He closed his eyes, afraid he couldn’t do this if he looked at her. His voice was hoarse with strain. “You should go see your family and come back to the new house.”
He heard her breath suck in, sharp and mortal. “No, Xavier. Not yet.”
“I was hoping we could get through Christmas, but we’re only putting off the inevitable.”
“What about...” Her voice faded. “What about a surrogate?” He had seen her afraid before, but not like this, with her throat exposed while she offered a knife.
He had to consciously remember to breathe. “It’s not about another baby, bella.”
His own composure threatened to crumble as her chin crinkled and her eyes filled. She caught her mouth into a line to hide its tremble, then that glorious Valkyrie in her came forward, steeling her spine and refusing to be cowed.
“I’m not leaving Tyrol. I’ll move into your stupid ugly house if you make me, but I’m taking him with me.”
That stung more than it should. He hadn’t been able to design a home from greenfield for her, which felt like a breach of duty in itself, but he’d personally overseen all the renovations and security upgrades to the one he’d bought. He’d taken the utmost care with every detail.
“Don’t make this ugly. The agreement is three and a half days each.” That was not renegotiable.
“You’re busy. Why should someone else feed him a bottle when he could be with me?” Oh, she was fierce when she wanted to be. Flushed, with her eyes glimmering, she threw the forces of nature at him. “At least I love him.”
“So do I!” It exploded out of him. Within him. Nothing would come between him and his son.
She threw her head back, fury fading into sorrow. “But you don’t love me. I can live somewhere else.”
He jerked his head to the side, slapped by the torment in her voice.
“Say it,” she choked. “Tell me these last weeks of...” She waved at the bed where they had writhed with passion. “I have tried so hard to show you we could make this work. Every breath I take is carefully measured to make sure I don’t impinge on your role in any way. I should bite my tongue right now. You have a meeting to get to, right? I give and give and you can’t offer me a crumb? A maybe? A chance?”
“You think I like seeing you holding back, afraid to laugh too loud, keeping to these rooms when you should be able to say and do whatever the hell you please? I hate what I’m doing to you. You never wanted this.”
“But if you loved me—”
“I can’t love you! I’ve upended my world as far as I can. Things are tipping off. This has to end.”
She rocked as if buffeted by a hurricane wind. He watched her lips go white with the rest of her. Her fingers twitched at her sides and she swayed again then locked her knees.
“Bella.” He reached out, feeling the chasm in him widen to a canyon, pushing her further and further beyond him.
She drew a jagged breath and leveled her shoulders. “You should go. I don’t want to be blamed for you missing your meeting.”
* * *
Had that really happened?
One minute she had been feeling sorry for herself over her siblings getting together without her, the next her tiny nascent family of three had been torn down to one and a half.
How had she not fought hard enough? Aside from viewing a few buildings for Maison des Jumeaux, she had lived as a shut-in again, not wanting to make headlines. As painful as she’d found it when he disappeared for a few days on palace business, she had never once complained. Even his grandmother’s frosty behavior at the christening had gone unremarked until today.