CHAPTER ONE
KELLI BARNETT PULLED a face, even though her bestie at the other end of the phone couldn’t see her. ‘I am not going with him, stand-up citizen or not.’
‘Who are you going to take to Billy’s wedding, then? You’ve got to find someone pronto.’ Tamara’s frustration was obvious. But then her family were equally frustrated with her at the moment so the tone was overly familiar.
Her brother’s wedding was turning into a nightmare. ‘No one.’ If only it were that easy.
‘You know your mother’s going to sit Jason beside you if there’s no one else to take that place.’
Oh, yeah. ‘Maybe I’ll pull a sickie, say I’ve caught some severe gastro bug that I can’t share with the wedding guests.’ Maybe she could take a flying leap off the end of the jetty and swim all the way back to Auckland city from the island where the wedding celebrations were going to take place in less than a week’s time. But no, she would never jeopardise her brother’s big day.
‘Are you being obtuse? Like this guy’s awesome, and you don’t want to admit it.’
She hated the smug laughter Tamara was indulging in. ‘You’ve met Jason. What do you think?’
‘He’s doing well as a lawyer, owns his house and drives a top-of-the-range car that goes too fast. He’ll make the perfect husband for someone.’
‘Not for me.’
‘Just checking here. You’re turning him down at every opportunity because?’ Persistent was Tamara’s middle name since she’d found the love of her life and thought Kelli should do the same.
Kelli snapped, ‘He’s dull as dishwater.’
‘Doesn’t light your fire, huh?’
‘A wet blanket would ignite that faster.’
‘And Mac Taylor would set your whole world alight.’
The phone dropped out of Kelli’s suddenly lifeless fingers. ‘Damn you, Tamara,’ she growled, but not loud enough for the words to carry to the phone now lying on the footpath outside Auckland Central Hospital. Tam was her best friend but sometimes... Bending to pick it up, she glanced at her watch. ‘Got to go,’ she told Tamara in her top don’t-fool-with-me voice. ‘I’m going in to sign my next contract with Personnel and then get to work. Bye.’ She hung up before there was any more nonsense from her pal.
But moments later the phone rang and she didn’t have the heart to send the call to voicemail. ‘You’d better have something sensible to say or I’ll hang up again.’
Tamara just laughed. Again. ‘Ask Mac to partner you to the wedding. And before you cut off our friendship for life, think about it. You two were hot for each other at my wedding. The way you danced with him said more than I know you’re ever going to admit.’
Kelli jerked to a stop in the middle of the hospital entrance, yelling, ‘Are you out of your mind?’ She’d just spent six weeks working in Fiji on an exchange with Suva Hospital and if that hadn’t put Mac on the back burner then she was in trouble. Especially now she’d been bumped from day to night shift—Mac’s shift—all because another nurse had taken early maternity leave due to high blood pressure.
‘Only looking out for you, Kells, like you did for me.’
Tears pricked her eyes.
Thanks, girlfriend. Appreciate it. Would love some of what you’ve got but it isn’t going to happen. Not while I’m still afraid to reach out for it.
A quick slash across her face with her palm, a deep sniff, and, ‘Why is it when someone falls in love he or she wants the same thing for everyone else?’ People were bumping and nudging her as they streamed past. She was getting later by the minute. There was the m
eeting with Personnel—might be less complicated if she headed to the local supermarket and asked for a checkout job where she’d never see Mac—before her shift in the emergency department started at three. Very soon. It had been a full-on day, avoiding her mother and finishing unpacking from her time away.
‘Because love’s so good. Crazy good, wonderful. The sun shines even when it’s raining. Of course I want that for you.’ Tamara sang happiness.
‘You think I’ll get that with Mac?’ She’d like to. No, she wouldn’t. This was Tamara rubbing her up the wrong way causing these pointless ideas to surface. ‘Don’t answer that. I am not going to ask Dr Taylor to partner me to tea break, let alone anything else.’
* * *
Kelli’s heart stuttered as she strode into the ED. Shoulders back, hands forced to hang loose at her sides, butterflies under her ribs.
Where was he? Looking around, she tried to calm the churning going on in her belly. Mac would be somewhere in here. He never ran late for a shift, and now that he was head of department he probably arrived extra early.
She shouldn’t have come back. Doing a runner while she had the chance would’ve been the better option. The hospital board had sent her to Fiji to cover for a nurse coming here to upskill in emergency treatments, but no one on that board would’ve gone out of their way to track her down and haul her back if she’d done a bunk.
Too late, Sunshine. You’re back, with another contract covering the next twelve months all signed and kicking off right now.
Where was he?
‘Hello, Kelli.’
Bang. Right on cue. Slap between her ribs. That low, raspy voice raised images of a hot night in Sydney after Tamara and Conor’s wedding. Without any effort or cohesive thought, she usually felt Mac on her skin, under her skin. But her radar must’ve been temporarily turned off because she hadn’t noticed any change in the atmosphere until he’d spoken. Bracing herself, Kelli turned to face her heartache eye to eye. ‘Hi, Mac. How’s things?’
Mac was striding towards her, head up, back straight. ‘Oh, you know. Same old, same old.’ He shrugged as though life was a bit of a bore really. At least, she thought he was aiming for a casual movement to underline his comfort levels around her, but those muscles under his shirt were tight, tension rippling off them. ‘Except it’s not for you, is it? Shift change is at three, not fifteen minutes past.’
‘Sorry, but I didn’t ask to be bumped to the night shift,’ she growled. Two could play this game. He might be setting the tone but she could just as easily keep up with the play.
His head jerked up a notch. ‘I know.’ A conciliatory note creeping in? Better if it didn’t. Aggro would keep them apart, which was all she required of him. Unfortunately he hadn’t finished. ‘We had no choice but to bring you on board.’ Perhaps not conciliatory, more annoyed. ‘None of the other nurses would change and your return from Suva fitted in perfectly with our most experienced nurse having to take urgent leave.’
‘So they told me over the phone on Friday.’ Kelli didn’t blame Mac for the change in her working times. Despite being Specialist in Charge his hands would’ve been tied, and by the looks of him he was no happier about it than she was.
‘You only found out on Friday?’ He sounded appalled, which won him a point or two. ‘I told Personnel to get in touch with you more than a week ago.’
‘You didn’t think to phone me yourself?’
He swallowed hard. ‘Yes. I did.’
‘Yet you didn’t.’ Good one, Mac. Not a great start to their working relationship if he couldn’t even do that. Really went to show how little he thought about those kisses.
Mac had kissed her in ways that tricked her heart into thinking he might’ve found her attractive in some small way. But deep down she’d known all along she was blowing in the wind. Gorgeous, sexy hunks didn’t fall for her.
According to the school bullies, she had a lot in common with elephants, and not their phenomenal memories. When plastic surgeon Steve, now ex-fiancé, first came on the scene she was long past those jibes, until he offered to do breast and butt reductions free of charge.
And now there was Mac, a man who kept himself aloof from people all the time. A man who when asked if he was single by one of the nurses had replied tightly, ‘Yes, I am,’ and gone on with his work. His tone had been so raw no one had dared ask another thing. Yet for one night, away from home and work, sharing their closest friends’ special day, he’d been different. Funny, fun, relaxed. She’d been hypnotised and felt close to him. Far too easily, considering her heart had been on lockdown since the humiliation Steve had caused her.
Which was why she and Mac had to remain totally professional on the job. She was not going through that again. Rolling her shoulders, she muttered, ‘Guess we’ll do our best to knock along.’ And she’d do her darnedest not to remember that hot night in Sydney every time she came within breathing distance of him.
‘Kelli.’ Mac tapped her shoulder lightly. ‘I apologise. I should’ve been the one to tell you about the changes, even if it was the personnel department’s place to get in touch with you.’
She gave a tight smile. ‘Yes, you should’ve. We’re better than that.’
Mac scowled at her reproach, and she instantly worked to loosen the tightness in her neck and shoulders, and took a step back. No loosening the cramp in her belly while standing close to him. But keeping him onside was important. Working in Auckland Central’s emergency department was her dream job and she’d do anything to keep it.
Anything? Avoid Mac as much as possible? After they’d shared kisses that had tricked her alter ego into sneaking out and letting her hair down—literally. And into having the most amazing time with a man she’d ever experienced, and that was without sex.
Her shoulders slumped. Mac had walked away when they stood outside her hotel room, key at the ready, leaving her wondering what had caused his abrupt change of mind when his desire for her had been plenty evident. A part of her had been relieved. Everything had happened so fast, those kisses so explosive, she hadn’t had a moment to consider the consequences. Not least what he’d think after seeing her naked.
But since then there’d been no putting alter ego back in the box. It was up and fighting. Instead of her usual placatory persona being in charge there’d been nudges and changes going on inside that messed with her mind.
Working in Suva had given her time to take a long look at herself. Getting away from Mac and his inscrutable face after Sydney had been a priority. It had been as though he regretted their night of dancing and kissing. Which hurt bad. She hadn’t been able to forget one touch, one kiss. Nor the gut-twisting moment he’d walked away from her outside her hotel room when she’d believed they were heading inside to the king-sized bed. That should’ve shut down all these hot, needy sensations that slammed through her whenever he came close. Should’ve. Didn’t.
Might explain why she found it hard to return to being the woman who played safe in order to keep people on side so they couldn’t find anything to pick at her about. It hadn’t been about that with Mac and yet she’d still been rejected. So why wasn’t she angry with him? Ignoring him? Why the heat and need for him?
In Fiji she’d figured it was time to dump the past. To stand tall and stare down anyone not accepting her as she was. To stop feeling sorry for herself and start taking some risks, get hurt maybe, loved, but most of all live. Had that night with Mac brought this on? Or was it because he’d shown her something she wanted? Excitement and maybe something more, something deeper?
Despite her new approach to life—still in training—Tamara’s insane suggestion had blindsided her.
Ask Mac to partner you to Billy’s wedding.
If only she could, and feel blasé about it. What if he laughed at her? Made her feel small? On the inside only; she’d never been small physically. ‘Elep
hant, elephant.’ Those taunts had returned with a vengeance after Steve did his number on her.
So much for looking life in the eye, Kelli.
‘You okay?’ the man wrecking her new purpose asked.
She stared at him. ‘I guess.’ Her belly tightened painfully while her heart went on a rampage, beating up a storm behind her ribs. Mac was sexier than she’d remembered. How did that work? That chest stretching the top of his scrubs turned her toes upward, and made her fingers itch to slip across the expanse of warm skin covering it. That was how.
She raised her eyes to his inscrutable face, despair trickling out on a sigh. He was better looking than her brain had allowed. Definitely sexier now she’d felt his strength under her palms. A lot more serious too, if that was possible. Selective memories here. She should be thinking only of watching him walk away from her that night and the twinge of relief that nudged her, nothing else. But some things were downright impossible.
Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as moisture dried up.
I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this.
The next phase of her career was going to be an absolute blast. ‘Right, we’d better get on with the show. Any changes in staff since I’ve been away?’ Apart from the nurse she was now filling in for, that was.
‘Michael’s swapped to our shift, having decided day shift without Conor around wasn’t so much fun,’ Mac told her as they began walking towards the hub of the department. ‘Otherwise all’s normal.’
‘Cool. I like working with Michael.’ Kelli looked around at the familiar territory, and tried to feel at home again. But it was impossible when Mac was within reaching distance. The Mac she’d got close to, not the Mac she’d wondered what it would be like to make love to. There was a difference between wondering and knowing. A huge, belly-tightening, heart-shaking difference, and she didn’t have the answer. Her fingertips tingled with memories of him; warm skin, rippling muscles. And that was only his back, his arms. She gasped.