‘Ben wondered if Dean has something else going on that would make him unwell. What do you think?’ Tori asked.
‘Everything points to how he was before surgery but I’ll add some more tests to be done at the lab. Can’t be too careful.’
Tori knew Conrad could do this, would know what had to be done, and had others to call on. But she found it hard not being there, even when knowing she was entitled to time off and that she’d left everything in good hands. There were other specialists from a major private practice using the same private hospital facilities she used who were there for Conrad and the other staff.
Stifling her anxiety, she said to him, ‘Let me know those results when you get them and keep me up-to-date on any changes in Dean’s condition. You might be looking at having to repeat the procedure. If Dean’s parents have any issues, set them up to talk to me tonight.’
‘Will do.’
The screen went blank.
‘Your young man might be in for a heart transplant if the procedure is working properly,’ Ben warned her.
She shuddered. ‘I hate the thought. But the alternative is worse.’ Heart transplants were one of medicine’s miracles, but she still had a hard time removing a badly diseased, barely functioning one to replace it with a healthy donated one. It was that time lapse between the patient not having his or her own heart and relying on a machine to stay alive until the replacement one was beating that twisted her stomach into more knots than found on a macramé rug. Once the new heart was working correctly and the patient was coming round, she always finally relaxed enough to breathe properly and let the tension out of her muscles. Her body paid for the strain for days afterwards. And she was only the doctor. It was so much worse for the recipient and the families.
‘Let’s not think too long on that path and focus on easier alternatives until you know differently.’ Ben folded his arms across his chest. Thank goodness the buttons were done up now. ‘No looking too far ahead, remember?’
Was he talking about Dean or them? As far as their relationship went, she couldn’t stop wondering if they could make it work second time round. Her hormones were behaving erratically, reminding her all the time how they’d like nothing more than to play with Ben’s. See? She missed his body the moment he’d stepped away. It would be so easy to lean in against that hard, muscular physique and let him brush aside her worries. Like he used to. Not going to happen. But she’d come very close to slipping into his room and curling up against, and around, him during the night.
What would he think if he knew? He’d returned her kiss ardently last night, and had seemed to regret it when they’d stopped. Regret it? Come on, the guy had had an erection that had been impossible to miss.
Snatching up her handbag, she dug deep amongst the clutter for a lipstick. She’d put that on and then get out of here. Ben would still be with her but they’d be amongst other doctors and the conversation would be generic. Not laced with longing and double entendres.
They were sitting in a taxi, bound for the teaching wing of one of the city’s major hospitals, when Ben tipped her world sideways. Again. ‘Would you ever consider leaving the clinic and coming over this way to live?’
It took minutes before she could breathe evenly and find some words for him. Even then they were hardly startling. ‘No. Why?’
‘Just reminding myself of the impossibility of our situation.’
‘Are you playing games with me?’ she snapped. Guess she knew where she stood, then.
‘Not intentionally.’ Ben leaned back into the corner and stared out the window. ‘I’m not going to lie, Tori. I was angry when you told me about the baby. You, the most forthright woman I know, hadn’t bothered to tell me at the time.’
Her hands gripped the handle of her bag like a lifeline as she fought to remain calm and reasoned in her reply—if she could get one out around her dry tongue stuck in her dry mouth. ‘Your point being?’ she eventually managed.
He continued. ‘It’s ironic, really. If I hadn’t felt so bad for hiding the truth from you I might not have left and we might still be married.’ Ben was still staring beyond the taxi.
She found her voice. ‘Then I’d have told you I was pregnant the moment I found out—which was the night I lost her.’ Tori dug deep for calm, swallowing the guilt his comments had raised. Guess that would take a long time to go away completely. ‘What happened to living these days in Paris in the here and now?’
‘I never was good at sticking to the rules.’ He didn’t even smile, let alone look at her.
A memory sprang into her mind. Staff are not to use storerooms for anything other than storage. Finding a nurse or doctor who hadn’t had a liaison in a storeroom at some time would be as easy as finding a five-legged cat. She and Ben had liked the linen room behind the cardiology ward sluice room. The chances of being interrupted had been small and no one could approach without being heard on the floor kept particularly clean and squeaky for that reason. ‘Some rules are a waste of time even putting out there.’
‘But not this one. I get it.’ Odd that he gave her a smile then, giving her the sense that he was embarking on some adventure and she was the focus of all his intentions. Or had she got that wrong? Fingers crossed.
Time to put a stop to this and get the day at the university going. ‘I want to make the most of my days here and not have to think all the time about what’s going on with you and me.’ If he believed that he didn’t have a clue to the state of her mind, and Ben was no slug. He’d know all right. ‘If that means avoiding each other, then that’s what we’ll do.’
His finger touched the back of her hand on the seat between them. ‘We’ll stick to the plan.’
Tori smiled softly. ‘The plan. Sounds a bit serious, doesn’t it?’ It was serious. As was the disappointment over Ben readily agreeing to it, even when that’s exactly what she needed. Talk about taking a ride in a spin-dryer. Round and round, up and down. Her emotions were all over the show. Talking of shows... ‘What time does the show at the Moulin Rouge start?’
‘Eleven. It’s the late show so I thought we could have dinner somewhere special first.’ His finger had gone, leaving a warm spot on her hand.
‘I am really looking forward to the evening. Monsieur Leclare is wonderful, getting us seats at such short notice.’
‘I understand he has someone on the inside who often helps him out.’ Ben glanced out the window. ‘Here we are. This should prove to be an interesting morning. If French medical students are as exhausted and overworked as the ones in New Zealand, we’ll have to be really interesting or they’ll all fall asleep during our talks.’
Tori laughed and told him, ‘We could make up some ridiculous procedure to keep them interested.’
‘Like, this man needs a heart transplant, Doctor? Then you’re in luck. I know where there are some stray pigs.’
See? They were in sync, some of the time anyway.
Ben climbed out of the taxi and held his hand out to her. ‘Think you can direct us to the director’s office with your knowledge of French?’
She ignored his hand. Childish, maybe, but safer. Inside the main doors she read the board giving the locations for all the departments. ‘We head left.’
And then left, right, along, left, left and right.
‘I knew that board was written in Chinese,’ Ben grumped as they turned yet another corner.
‘Then I’m very proficient in that language because there’s the office we want.’ Reading the signs had been slightly easier than asking directions and having to listen to rapid-fire answers in French. But only slightly.
‘That’s my woman. Clever clogs.’
My woman? He’d had a slip of concentration to be saying that. But Tori had that irrational urge to leap up and down on the spot again. This time she managed to restrain herself, which was just as
well because explaining her childlike antics to Luc, who was emerging from the office they were destined for, would have been more than embarrassing.
But, honestly, her emotions were seesawing. She wanted to remain impervious to Ben, but loved it that he made her feel so warm and fuzzy and good.
I’m falling in love with him all over again. She gasped. When Ben turned to stare at her she shook her head to rid it of that thought just in case his mind-reading skills were on full alert. How can I fall in love with him when I never really fell out of love with him?