I opened my mouth, then shut it. “It’s cute.” I self-consciously tugged at the simple black turtleneck sweater dress. It was form-fitting, and it was frigid outside, so I figured it worked, plus I looked good in black… Or so I thought until Kartini made a face that pretty much made me feel like a nun—and not a hot sexually repressed one, but one who thumped people over the head with Bibles and lost her virginity at the ripe old age of fifty after one wild night at the local biker bar.
“Whoa.” Kartini laughed. “That a fantasy of yours or what?”
“I said that out loud?”
“Sadly, yes.” She wrinkled her nose. “My ears might never recover. I think my ovaries are sad now. Is that what it means when your stomach hurts really low, and you taste metal in your mouth?”
“What? No!” I rolled my eyes. “Never mind. Yes, this is what I was planning on wearing.” I was tempted to do a little twirl but restrained myself at her horrified look.
“No.” She shook her head, stood, slowly walked around me. “No.” And then. “SERENA!”
“Shhhh!” I clapped a hand over her mouth, just as Serena magically appeared at the door with Izzy.
Both of them stared.
Longer than I would have liked.
Kartini pointed. “Can she wear that after last night?”
“No,” they said in unison, then both started talking at once.
“I mean, it’s Ash; you can’t just wear a turtleneck after Ash!” Serena proclaimed.
“It’s like wrapping yourself in a really sad, sad blanket with no hopes of ever being naked again. Don’t get me wrong, you’re hot, but I digress—it’s Ash.” Izzy nodded.
“Ash.” Kartini shrugged. “I rest my case.”
I ground my teeth and counted to three. “Fine, it’s Ash, whatever that means.” They gasped.
“That’s why he likes her.” Serena beamed. “All right, strip out of that nice sweater dress my grandma got me for Christmas when I was in the sixth grade, and I’ll be back with something that will make Ash want to set anyone on fire who looks at you, breathes within ten feet of you, basically any male or female that has eyes.”
“It’s really all I ask.” Kartini yawned.
I didn’t know how it happened.
One minute I was clothed.
The next, I was naked, and three sets of hands were tugging at my hair, my clothes, extremely tall pumps with red bottoms were slid onto my feet, and then I was getting shoved out the door.
I never got a chance to see what I looked like.
All I felt was heavier makeup than usual.
Tall like a baby giraffe when all I wanted was to look like a gazelle.
And I could barely breathe.
They’d somehow shoved my size eight short little body into a short white cocktail dress that had literally no back and a plunging neckline down the front that required copious amounts of double-sided tape and showed a serious amount of side boob.
A gold necklace dangled between said boobs.
And a tan faux fur jacket was dangled on my shoulders.
“It’s time!” Serena grinned once I was shuffled into the kitchen, and we somehow went from Fashion Barbie playtime to Military Barbie boot camp as each of the girls hiked up their skirts and started packing in multiple utility knives, small guns, needles—I didn’t even ask because I was too busy gaping.
Serena kicked up her leg across Junior’s lap as he hiked something smoothly up her thigh and then strapped another gun between her thighs.
“Thanks baby.” Serena air kissed him.
“I live to serve.” He grinned but didn’t even look up from loading his gun. King and Maksim were in the corner, basically doing the same. Kartini and Izzy finished in record time while Serena yawned and then stretched her arms over her head, gaining Junior’s full attention. “Ready for our engagement party?”
His eyes zeroed in on her mouth. “Ready to get naked later?”
“Always.”
“Can’t un-hear this…” Maksim said from the corner.
Izzy glared. “I’ll be happy to take care of that problem for you.”
“What?” He frowned. “What problem?”
“Your ears.” She made a slicing motion. “I’m positive I can make a clean cut on both sides of your ginormous head—amazing, you’d think your brain would be bigger.”
He flipped her off. “Tell me again, what’s bigger, Izzy?”
“OKAY!” Junior jumped to his feet. “Ash is already outside waiting. Word of warning, he’s pissed; nobody knows why he’s pissed.” Almost all eyes turned to me, great. “But he is, and we need him focused, so try not to turn into his target practice on the way to the hotel. Everyone but Annie, hop into the Rover, and Annie, I mean it, he’s in the zone, don’t take it personally.”
My chest tightened a bit. “That’s okay. I think I’m used to his legendary mood swings by now.”
“You’re sure?” Junior’s eyes flickered with something that almost looked like sadness, gutting me a bit, telling me everything I needed to know about my car ride.