I didn’t mind that part anymore. Even though I didn’t judge her for anything, or have any ill feelings toward her, it’d become abundantly clear that we had nothing in common. Screw not being on the same page in life; she and I didn’t exist in the same book. Or bookcase.
Dr. Samantha Thompson was expecting us and gestured toward her exam room with a kind smile, and I was glad Taylor had told her about our situation already. Right now, all I could focus on was the ultrasound. I’d never been to one before. I didn’t know what to expect other than what I’d read.
I didn’t hear the chitchat Dr. Thompson was trying to warm us up with. She was managing to make Taylor somewhat relaxed, though, so that was good. Me? I was tense as fuck and had to remind myself to breathe properly.
Before I knew it, Taylor was on her back and shifting up her top, revealing her stomach, while Dr. Thompson prepared for the ultrasound.
“You okay?” Taylor asked me.
I swallowed dryly and nodded, stepping closer.
Then she winced and squinted up at me. “She’s moving. Come here—”
I sucked in a breath as she guided my hand to the spot below her belly button.
Holy fuck.
It was surreal. And it sent a strong buzz through me that amplified every emotion I was trying to keep on a leash. I really felt it. I couldn’t believe it. It had to be her little foot.
She’s mine. She’s mine, she’s mine, she’s mine.
I reluctantly withdrew my hand so Dr. Thompson could cover Taylor’s belly with some transparent goo.
“All right, let’s see how she’s doing today.” Dr. Thompson slid a wand over Taylor and watched the monitor, and there it was. The sound I’d read about. The baby’s heartbeat. My eyes welled up ridiculously quickly, and I rubbed a hand over my mouth. It was so fast. Like a rapid whooshing sound that thudded its way through my fucking heart.
Taylor was watching the monitor too, completely unfazed.
How could she not feel it?
After Dr. Thompson uttered the words “Everything looks wonderful,” I checked out mentally and just stared at the monitor. I couldn’t wait to show Pipsqueak. She was the only one who didn’t find it weird that I could gawk at a picture of the baby’s foot over and over without getting sick of it.
This wasn’t some toy. The shine wasn’t going to wear off.
When the exam was over and the fluttering sound of the baby’s heartbeat ceased, I felt instantly bereft. At the same time, we were here to discuss the birth, and hammering out those details would feel good. I’d been antsy about them for weeks now.
I helped Taylor as much as she would let me, and we walked over to Dr. Thompson’s desk.
Taylor slumped down in one of the chairs with a sigh of relief. “I can’t wait for this to be over so I can get out of a chair on my own. And maybe wear shoes that aren’t extra wide.”
I mustered a polite smile and took my seat next to her.
Dr. Thompson adjusted her chair and pulled out a notepad. “Okay, you two. Taylor, last time we saw each other, I asked you to discuss a nursing routine with Avery. Did you talk it over?”
I inclined my head and glanced at Taylor, silently asking if she wanted to answer.
She did. “I’m gonna be in town until my parents’ house is sold anyway, so I will do what you suggested and freeze breast milk that Avery can come get.”
“That’s wonderful,” Dr. Thompson replied. She addressed me next. “If you’d like, we can schedule a quick meeting where you come in and we go over some nursing methods. It’ll be especially helpful for when you switch from breast milk to formula.”
“I’d appreciate it.” I was going to need all the assistance I could get.
“Excellent. Let’s discuss the delivery,” she went on.
This was the less-fun part. I wasn’t going to be in the room during the delivery, though I respected Taylor’s wishes and knew that was probably for the best. She wanted everything as clinical as possible, in every sense of the word, so only medical personnel would be present. And I would wait in a postpartum room, where a nurse would bring me the baby. Taylor would recover in her own room, having requested not to see the baby at all.
Keira was flying out this weekend to be here for Taylor after the labor, at which point Taylor didn’t want to see me much either. I’d had to convince her to allow me to crash on their couch the days before the birth. Even Keira had been on my side.
It was what it was.
“You know you’re gonna regret this, right?” Darius asked.
I blew out a breath and wiped some sweat off my forehead. “Yup.”