Philippe needed him. He knew it. Yes, he had Jullien and Ezra and the other members of his clan, but it wasn’t enough. He could feel it.
He just prayed that Philippe would let him in.
Philippe knew he should call Rafe back, tell him not to come to the house, but there was no point. It was likely Rafe wouldn’t even answer his call. It had been clear from the start that Rafe followed whatever he thought was best, to hell with what anyone else said. And if Philippe was being honest with himself, he was glad Rafe was coming.
News of Piper’s discovery had reached him not long after he’d returned home from Rafe’s. He’d not even had a chance to think about what had happened between them, to contemplate the surprising strength of Rafe’s gift, before he was crushed by Piper’s death.
Not that he was surprised. He’d been expecting it almost since it was uncovered that she was missing. The deaths of both Erik and Sarah had made it clear that he was working on a very short time frame to find and save Piper.
He went through the same painful motions of hiring the cleaners to retrieve the body from the coroner and speaking with all the members of his clan. It was all becoming too familiar, too easy. Some of them had reacted with fear, while others raged.
Ezra growled and stomped about, complaining about the failings of the Variks, when it had nothing to do with them. This had all started prior to Philippe’s attempts to reach out to that clan. But Philippe didn’t have the strength to correct him.
Jullien remained painfully silent, seeming to draw further into himself. Philippe was out of words of comfort and hope. Their clan was shrinking. Their safety was violated and broken.
Surrounded by people, his people, and Philippe was sure he’d never felt so alone in his very long existence.
His heart begged him to reach out to Rafe. The vampire would hold him and help to ease the pain. He’d reassure Philippe there was a way through this mess, that they could still save his remaining clan members when Philippe was completely out of ideas. But he’d made himself put off calling. Rafe had already had to deal with enough drama from him. Philippe needed to stand on his own two feet. Needed to stand alone as a leader.
Shoving both hands through his hair, Philippe paced over to the window in the library. He was a fucking mess. He didn’t deserve the beauty and kindness Rafe was offering. Everything had been so perfect about their time together, and he’d still managed to destroy it all, to hurt the man he was starting to care so much about.
“You can’t blame yourself.” Jullien’s firm, steady voice wasn’t the balm it usually was. Hell, he’d forgotten his old friend was even in the room with him. “Piper’s death isn’t your fault.”
Guilt lanced through Philippe, and he was grateful that he had his back turned to Jullien. He hadn’t been thinking about Piper, only his own need to feel Rafe’s arms wrapped around him. To have Rafe tell him everything was going to be okay and that they’d figure this out together.
“But it is,” Philippe wearily snapped. “When each person was invited into the clan, I promised to keep them safe. Erik, Sarah, and Piper were all murdered under my watch.”
“Yes, and you can’t be everywhere at once.”
Philippe turned to find Jullien seated on the edge of the desk while Ezra leaned against the doorjamb with his arms shoved into the pockets of his jeans.
“Why attack the Arsenaults? We keep to ourselves,” Philippe snapped.
“We don’t have any known enemies,” Jullien agreed.
“Maybe this is backlash for helping the Variks,” Ezra tossed out, but Philippe was already shaking his head.
“No, Erik was killed before Jullien helped free the brothers from the Black Wolf clan, and Sarah was already missing. I refuse to believe this has anything to do with the Variks.”
Ezra remained stubborn. “Maybe so, but associating with the Variks isn’t helping us. We would have been better off aligning with a clan like the MacPhersons.”
“The MacPhersons would never have accepted the Arsenaults when they learned the full truth about us. I don’t trust them.” Philippe wanted to say that they had far more in common with the Variks, but he bit his tongue. He just didn’t know anymore. He was beginning to wonder if his growing feelings for Rafe were starting to seriously cloud his judgment.
“Then we need to do something to be stronger. Maybe it’s time we reconsider exactly who we have in the Arsenault clan.”
Philippe stared at Ezra in openmouthed horror for a moment. Was he actually arguing to have some members kicked out of the clan because they didn’t meet a certain measure of strength or value? That wasn’t why Philippe had started this clan. Philippe had been determined to offer a safe haven to those hurting and lost in their world. Ezra knew that just as clearly as all of them did.