“Rafe,” Aiden said firmly. “Tell me about Philippe.”
He wasn’t going to say anything. Just brush off Aiden’s request. Make a joke. But opening his mouth was like a dam breaking. Everything came pouring out. All the feelings and worries he’d finally packed away came tumbling out. Every memory. Hell, he was pretty sure he was damn lyrical just talking about Philippe’s eyes, but none of it could be stopped. He wanted to say it was like purging a poison, but there was nothing poisonous about Philippe.
If Philippe Arsenault was a disease, then Rafe wanted it. He wanted to be infected with all Philippe’s laughter and joy and sweet concern. He wanted his compassion more than he wanted his next meal.
God, he was disgusting when it came to talking about Philippe.
But Aiden didn’t smile or snicker. He didn’t tease. He simply nodded, taking in every one of Rafe’s words as if they were helping to heal his own wounds. And maybe caring for his sons did help to take away the ache of losing his love.
When he was done, Aiden gave him a sad little smile. “Breathe, son. Just breathe.”
Rafe shook his head. “Even if he doesn’t hate me for failing him.”
“You haven’t failed him. You’ve not given up. You haven’t failed.”
The first little shred of hope blossomed in his heart. Yes, he and his brothers most definitely needed Aiden there with them.
“And if he loves you as he says, then I don’t think he’s stopped,” Aiden continued. “If he has stopped, he’s certainly not worthy of your love.”
Lifting his glass to his lips, Rafe took a small sip and smirked at Aiden. “You know, I had no idea you were so good at this fatherly advice thing.”
“And there’s the son I know and love.”
Rafe snorted. He really couldn’t argue. It was the first hint of normal he’d felt in a week. “Even if he loves me and we figure out who is trying to destroy his clan, where does that leave us? He’s the head of the Arsenault clan. I am a Varik. I can’t stop being a Varik. I won’t. We’re two separate clans.”
“Vampires have changed clans before.”
Rafe glared Aiden, barely holding back his temper at such a suggestion. “I am a Varik. I-I couldn’t even live with myself if I had to choose between my new clan and my brothers. My family.”
“And Philippe?”
Rafe’s anger evaporated in an instant. “Change clans?” The hope was born in one heartbeat and died in the next. “He’s the clan leader. He would give anything to protect his people. They come first for him.”
Aiden made a little humming noise as he stared down at his glass. He turned it with the tips of his fingers, making the light catch and dance along the facets of the cut crystal. “Marcus spoke with me about your suggestion of the Variks officially becoming a clan. Your brothers all agree with you.”
“Really? And you?”
The smirk rising on Aiden’s lips reminded him of one he’d seen in the mirror too many times. “I never expected to be a clan leader. Never wanted to be.” He glanced up at Rafe and his smile became a little more self-deprecating. “But I think that was more about laziness on my part. Lying to myself that I didn’t want the responsibility.”
“Just a touch ridiculous since you’ve been incredibly responsible and protective of the Varik brothers even before we were turned.”
Aiden sighed and raised his glass as if toasting Rafe. “The lies we tell ourselves so we can get through the night.”
Rafe clinked his against Aiden’s, understanding that sentiment all too well.
“Marcus is finalizing the paperwork tonight and sending it off to the Ministry. I shall take my place as the head of the Varik clan, while Marcus will continue as my spokesman and clan advocate since he already handles the Ministry so well.”
Rafe laughed. “I’m sure Marcus was thrilled with that.”
Aiden’s smile took a slightly evil cast. “He was willing to take on the role if it meant I took over the job of watching over a certain twin and his social media accounts.”
“Yep,” Rafe said, popping the P loudly. “You got screwed on that deal.”
But it was a lie and they both knew it. He would rein himself in for Aiden. Hell, he’d kill his social media accounts completely if Aiden could come up with a solution for his current Philippe dilemma. He just wanted Philippe.
“Give him time,” Aiden said softly, as if he could read his thoughts. “If Philippe loves you as you believe, then he is trying to puzzle out the same problem as you. He needs to figure out what is best for all the people he cares about, and that includes you.”
Rafe nodded, not trusting his voice again. Stupid emotional roller coaster. Life was so much easier when he didn’t feel anything except love for his brothers. He understood what Aiden was telling him. He was just afraid that when Philippe made a list of what and who was most important to him, Rafe wouldn’t make the cut.