Sylvia thought about it and decided, yes, her job often made her angry. People not showing up for interviews which left her scrambling to come up with subjects to fill the dead air space. Or the DJ for the next show not arriving on time, leaving her to stretch out the end of her show until they did. Or the dating world and how men never measured up to her liking. She thought of Kalina’s definition of anger and realized it all made sense. She spent so much time being angry because other people had let her down.
“Yes,” Sylvia said. “Many things.”
“Did anything make you jealous?” she asked.
Again, Sylvia thought of home and the few people she was jealous of. An older male DJ made more money than she did even though her listeners outnumbered his. She was jealous of one of her old friends, Macy, and the constant barrage of beautiful, wonderful, joyful photos she posted on social media putting her perfect relationship on display. She’d never been angry with the girl, but she’d known the woman a long time and had seen some of her dirtiest deeds, so she never understood why Macy deserved so much happiness when Sylvia apparently did not. Kalina’s definition of jealousy made so much sense. She’d been weighing her happiness and her success against the giant smiles of those around her. She’d never amounted to as much as the others. Even Penny, her best friend, as much as it hurt Sylvia to think it, had found a new and amazing life while Sylvia remained back home suffering.
Sylvia had never answered Kalina’s question, but her silence must have been answer enough.
“And sadness? What has made you so sad?” Kalina asked.
Surviving the barge when nobody else had. Not only surviving it, but walking away practically unscathed, and maybe worst of all, going home to live a mediocre life. People always pray to God in moments of fear and extreme stress, and usually a deal is made, one that says something along the lines of, “I promise if you get me out of this situation, I will never take another day for granted. I will get up at sunrise, I will reach out a helping hand, and I will make the most of every opportunity that comes my way.” Sylvia hadn’t said those words exactly, but she should have and probably would have if she hadn’t lost all her wits while trying to stay afloat and out of the sharks’ mouths. Since surviving the massacre, she had felt alone. She’d felt unworthy of friendship. She’d felt unbelievably
out of place.
“Fear is another one of those emotions,” Kalina said. “It goes along with the others, and like the others you are in control of it. Fear is the lack of control we feel in dire situations. It’s helplessness. It’s a panic when faced with potential loss, whether that be the loss of friends, family, or oneself. You have undoubtedly been filled with fear since going through the shark attack. Anyone would. Yet, you’ve returned here to us, have gotten out on that boat and have come here to this island to befriend a bunch of sharks. You’ve been spending alone time with a great white for god sakes. You’re doing it, girl.”
The sun beat down over them and made its way through Kalina’s golden hair where it shined in slivers of light that blinded Sylvia and caused her to hold a hand up to cover her face.
“You see,” Kalina said. “Living here with us, anger practically fades away. Okay, sure, we have some issues with Evelyn, as you saw last night. Anger happens, but for the most part, we live a carefree and super chill life. We patrol the waters, party at night, sleep in when we want to, live off the land and the ocean…we’re like pirates but without all the destruction, raping, and pillaging.”
Sylvia laughed at that.
Pirates. Great comparison.
“Jealousy,” Kalina said. “Forget about it. Once you become part shark, it’s like the jealousy fades away. I had a deep connection with Thane. I loved the man. Still do. But it’s more of a respect than anything else. I’ll never stop having that connection with him. He’s my king. Was I a little disappointed that I wasn’t “the one” for him? Sure. But I wasn’t jealous when I met Penny. She’s amazing, and I honestly felt a great hope that she would make him happy. That they would be complete. In some ways it felt like I now had permission to forget about him and find my own suitor. Nobody here is jealous. It’s great.”
“Nobody looks sad either,” Sylvia said.
“Nope,” Kalina agreed. “I mean we’ve had to mourn the loss of friends. Of course, that brings a bit of sadness with it, but something in our genes helps us understand that our friends have become one with the ocean, they’ve moved on to the afterlife, and we’re here holding down the fort until we can see them again. It’s a warrior mentality instilled in us the moment we form a bond with the shark spirit. Fear is the same way. That fear you feel. Fuck it. Forget about it. Once you’re one of us, fear is a thing of the past. You might get excited and anxious when going into a battle or when being chased by a predator larger than you, but fear doesn’t really exist for us.
“You’re never afraid?” Sylvia asked. “Sometimes I swear, all I feel is fear. I try to ignore that Coby is a shark. Sometimes it works. Other times it’s all I can think about and that reminds me of the attack on the barge. If I were to become like you…I’d be…”
“You wouldn’t be a monster,” Kalina said. “If that’s what you’re truly afraid of, let me put your mind at ease. You choose to be that kind of shark. You don’t automatically attack people. It’s a choice. My people don’t do that. And to answer your question, yes, I get scared sometimes. I was afraid last night. Not because I didn’t want Evelyn’s sharks to attack me. I was afraid because I didn’t want them to hurt Rafe. But that fear went away quickly. If you become one of us, you’ll see, the fear goes away. My people weren’t built to be afraid. We’re battle-born and ready to bite the shit out of something.”
Sylvia laughed and wrapped her arms around Kalina.
“Thank you so much,” she said. “I think I understand. You’ve said so much that makes sense.”
“So, you’ll join us?” Kalina asked.
“I still have to think about it,” Sylvia said. “I don’t even know what that means. Coby would have to change me, I suppose. And I don’t know if he would. I know he won’t stay here with you. He said he’s a savage and needs to live off the reservation. He wants to be free out there in the ocean.”
“Well he’s a great white,” Kalina said. “If anyone could make it out there on his own, it’s a great white. Not many creatures fuck with them. But you know, if he’s not ready for you, I’m sure we can find you another man who is. And if not right now, you can chill on the island and wait. Or…if you’re really into it, and don’t want to waste more time, Jagger could do it.”
“Isn’t he with Hailey?” Sylvia asked.
“Umm, kind of,” Kalina said. “They’re kind of like…like fuck buddies. But they’re allowed to see other people. If there were other people to see. They’ve been known to kind of swing, trade partners when visitors have come to the island.”
“You get visitors?”
“Not often, but shark shifters are all over the place. We have family and friends on different islands. Sometimes people stop by for a visit. But back to Jagger…just saying. If you want to be one of us and Cobalt isn’t up to the task, it could be kind of a backup plan.”
Sylvia had eyed Jagger. He wasn’t her usual type. He was tall with long hair and covered in tattoos. He could have been the lead singer in a rock band. She’d only dated lead singers in R&B groups. She wouldn’t say he didn’t have a chance, but for now she would keep her sights set on Coby.
Later that evening, the two shark-human couples decided to head back to the mainland on Juan Diego’s boat, for a perfect double date evening. As they entered the restaurant, Rafe was as relaxed as Sylvia had always seen him. His khaki cargo shorts and breezy button up shirt matched Kalina’s olive green dress. He was so at ease with all this, like he’d gladly let Kalina change him into a shifter right at the dinner table. Sylvia, however, wore a fancier dress with a sparkling clutch she snatched up from her hotel room before meeting the others at the restaurant. Of course, it was another bar and grill type of place. Coby surprised her by showing up fully dressed. His shorts had probably come from Thane’s closet, but the shirt, which Sylvia realized was the first shirt she’d ever seen on the man, looked to be a recent purchase. It still had the fold marks from being on a store display. Sylvia laughed under her breath as she took his hand and gave him a once over.
“What?” he asked.