“I’m a sex addict and I tried to kill myself,” I said. “There. It’s all out there. Now, if you decide to judge me…”
“Stormy Winters,” he said.
Ouch. That hurt.
It bothered me that he knew. He’d never brought it up. I wondered if he did indeed want me for sex. Was I just a conquest, maybe a sick game, a bet he’d made with the other doctors in the hospital?
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I don’t think anyone else has caught on. I only know because your friend, the one who brought you in here, told me. She was worried about you and wanted me to check you very thoroughly. Then she gave me her number and told me she was in the industry too.”
Conniving bitch.
I had to laugh at that one. Her real name was Sara but she went by the name Lacey Swears on screen. She was quite possibly more of a hornball than I was. I could totally see her worrying so much about me but being able to put that on pause long enough to make a pass at the hot doctor.
“Did you call her?” I asked.
“Would you think less of me if I did?” he replied.
I couldn’t answer. Instead I played with a piece of string coming off my blanket.
“I didn’t call her,” he said. “I’ve been preoccupied with this beautiful blonde who’s nosy as hell.”
He reached down and squeezed my thigh. It was the first time he’d touched me in a way that had nothing to do with checking on my health. That moment of warmth from him broke me down. I don’t know why but I started sobbing. I was so ashamed. I was a whore whether I was playing a distressed damsel or not. Several times I’d thought about fucking Dr. Bastian. I was and always would be a whore.
“Can you do me a favor?” Bastian asked. “If you really mean to quit your job, can you please ditch the name Stormy Winters? You’re a beautiful, glowing woman. And that name is depressing as hell. I’m going to call you Sunshine if you don’t mind.”
From that day forward I was Sunshine.
***
The day I was to leave the hospital was the day that changed everything. I’d been concerned about where I would go. Sure, I had my own apartment, but it was the same apartment I’d been in with Eric and a few other coworkers I’d brought home.
It was the same apartment I’d tried to kill myself in. I didn’t want to go there. I was scared to death to go there actually.
I didn’t have any friends or family at the hospital with me that day. Sara, aka Lacey, never came back to the hospital to check on me. I understood. I was a downer and she was busy trying to go places. I didn’t want my family to know what I’d gone through. My sister was the only one who knew the truth about my lifestyle and she’d become kind of distant lately. She was ashamed of me, that much I could tell, but she didn’t come out and say it out of fear that I’d disappear from her life altogether.
So I was alone, sitting on the foot of the bed, waiting for my discharge papers, when Dr. Bastian stopped by.
“You’re leaving me,” he said.
“I am,” I replied. “But it’s not you. It’s me. We’re just…growing apart.”
He beamed and I realized I’d completely fallen for him. I didn’t want to leave the hospital. As uncomfortable as the place was and as much as I wanted to have some privacy, I would’ve stayed a month if they’d let me. I wanted, no, I needed to see him every day. I wanted him to surprise me the way he always did, making my heart flutter as he rounded the corner and said some wise-ass remark.
“Where will you go?” he asked, his face turning serious.
“Home I suppose. Back to the comforts of my meager living arrangements.”
“And what will you do for work?”
“I don’t know. I honestly don’t. I’ve saved quite a bit so that’ll get me by until I find something new but I really don’t know. Maybe I’ll get an office job or something.”
“And be the eye candy of an office boss?”
“You think I’m eye candy?”
“I think you’re stunning.”
I felt faint. Thank God I was still sitting or I might have wobbled. That would’ve been embarrassing.