Well, time to get to it.
“I hold on to control over everything in my life because as a kid, the only thing I could control was myself. If I cried, my mom cried, and she was already so tired, so I decided at a very young age not to do that anymore. Not to lose control over myself…ever. I don’t like the way it makes me feel, even now.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to explain—”
“Yeah, I do.”
She hugged herself tighter, nodding.
“I brought that same sense of self-control to the bedroom, once I was old enough, and I have never once been with a girl who threatened to make me lose the hold I have over myself in bed.” He flexed his jaw. “Not once.”
“I know,” she said, lifting her tiny nose in the air. “You made that pretty clear earlier, so I don’t know why you drove over here—”
“I had an Uber bring me, because I’m a little bit drunk.” He held his fingers up and made a tiny crack between his thumb and pointer finger. “Enough to make it possible for me to say what I’m ab
out to say, but not so much that my head’s not on straight enough to make sure I don’t fuck it up.” He paused. “It’s a very thin line between the two.”
Her lips twitched into an almost-smile. It was the prettiest almost-smile he’d ever seen, because it gave him hope that all might not be lost. “I’m sure.”
“What I’m trying to say here is that no one even threatened that hold I have over myself…until you.” He took a step toward her. “The first time I took you to my bed, I lost control of myself. You threaten it every damn day without even trying, and that scares the shit out of me.”
She hugged herself even tighter, standing her ground.
“I lied when I said I fucked you the same way I did every other woman. I lost it and said shit I didn’t mean.” He flexed his jaw. “Because of that, I lost you, which is ironic, considering you’re the first woman I tried so damn hard to keep.”
Her fingers dug into her pajama shirt—which had cats on it.
Fucking cats.
Her hair was pulled in a loose ponytail, her eyes wide and so bright they were blinding. She took his breath away with her beauty. “Taylor…”
Not wanting her to stop him, he continued on in a rush. “I want to know more about you because whatever this is we have going on between us—call it what you want—but you’re not meaningless, and this isn’t just sex. You’re more than that. You’re my—friend. And I don’t want to lose you. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”
She shook her head.
“I care about whether you like me or not, and it kills me that you don’t right now, because I like you so damn much. Enough to let go and put the ball in your court. Enough to break a lifetime habit and let you in even if you won’t do the same for me. Please don’t end our first date, Sammy. Not yet. I’m not ready.”
Her lower lip trembled, and she bit it. “I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything. Let me show you what I mean.”
Hunger gnawed at him as he claimed her mouth, tasting her with abandon. Anger at his stupid mistakes plagued him, but as her mouth moved under his, all that was left was hope warming his chest.
Growling, he backed her against the wall, lifting her up. She moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he made quick work of removing all obstacles of clothing as his mouth worked over hers impatiently. Sliding his hand in between them, he teased her core, playing with her until she clung to him, crying his name out.
And when she stiffened, her body grasping for the release he’d normally deny her until he decided it was time, he let her go, giving her what she wanted and not thinking twice. Collapsing against the wall, she waited as he rolled the condom on, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
Her cheeks were flushed, her hair a mess, her lips swollen.
I did that. She’s mine.
And he was hers.
As soon as he had a condom on, he slid between her thighs, moving in to kiss her but stopping moments shy of actually doing so, his cock at the point of entering her luscious body even though it still trembled from the pleasure he’d given her, but not actually burying himself inside her.
“This is just me. No calculated plans that I mapped out before I even touched you, no self-control holding me back. Just me taking you because if I don’t have you one more time before you walk away, I might fucking die. Just you, me, and nothing in our way.”
She nodded, letting out a shuddered breath. “Do it.”