“Perfectly,” he squeaks, sounding almost faint.
Not a second later, he releases my offended butt cheek.
And I, in return, release his still intact nuts. But not before I tighten my fingers one last time to drive home the gravity of the predicament this moron now finds himself in. For about ten seconds we glare at each other before he carefully backs away from me and my nut clenching fingers. As he does, his face gets all sad and mopey like I’ve done something wrong which is seriously laughable.
Frankly, I’m still pissed as hell.
“You’re not a very nice girl,” he mutters like a cross child before taking a huge gulp of what I assume to be beer from a big red plastic cup.
Rather unattractively I snort in response. “Nope. But hopefully you’ve learned a valuable lesson regarding the pitfalls of grabbing some unsuspecting girl’s ass.” Although, gaging from his unapologetic stance towards me, my guess is that he has not taken this lesson to heart. On second thought- “Just refrain from grabbing any girl’s ass. Contrary to what you apparently think- we don’t like it. At all.”
“Some girls do,” he pipes up still sporting an intense frowny face which is probably supposed to make me feel bad. It doesn’t.
Eyes narrowing, I shake my head. “No, we don’t. It’s degrading and just plain rude.”
He smirks before sneering, “No one’s ever complained before.”
Not only do I find that comment completely dubious but I can almost feel my blood pressure sky rocketing. Yep, Brooklyn is definitely a dead woman because this party has moved beyond painful to full out tortuous. “What’s your name?”
“Alex Mc-”
I hold up my hand effectively cutting him off. “That’s enough.” For just a moment, my eyes fly around the general vicinity we’re standing in. Luckily, as packed as this massive party is, it doesn’t take long to find exactly what I’m looking for. “Excuse me,” I shout over the pulsating music at a pretty girl walking past us. With a smile gracing her lips, she turns. The high wattage smile slips from her face once she realizes that she doesn’t know who the hell either one of us are.
Before she’s able to make a hasty get away, I quickly launch into my spiel. “Hi, what’s your name?”
Her gaze, which is slightly blurry as well (jeez, are there seriously no sober people at this party?), quickly bounces between Alex and myself. I can tell she’s hesitant to give me any information.
“Stacy.”
I give her my most reassuring smile. “Hi, Stacy, I’m Cassidy and this is,” I point to the obnoxious buffoon standing next to me, “Alex. We’re having a little disagreement that we need settled. Would you mind weighing in on the matter?”
With Stacy still looking uncertain, I barrel on. “My friend here thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to walk around a party grabbing the butts of girls he doesn’t know. And furthermore, he’s under the impression that we enjoy it. I’m just wondering if you might have any thoughts on the matter.”
Stacy no longer looks hesitant or uncertain as her heated gaze swings back to Alex. Then, in a big sweeping gesture, she jerks her hands out in front of her. “What makes you think any girl would enjoy being touched by some random dude she doesn’t even know?”
Alex opens his mouth as if he might actually have a rebuttal in mind, but Stacy has other ideas. Like screeching at him in a very high, potentially eardrum shattering voice. “Where do you get off thinking you can grope a girl simply because you’re drunk at a party? Is there something seriously wrong with you? Do you have any concept that we’re living in the twenty-first century?”
Alex snaps his mouth shut and even though it’s fairly difficult, I do my best to suppress the smile that is desperately trying to spread its way across my face as she continues to berate him.
“That’s called sexual harassment, buddy.” Her hands fly to her hips as she continues glaring. “Do you know that I could call the police and have you ticketed? Or even arrested!”
Okay, I’m not exactly sure if that’s true but I’m just going to roll with it.
As if finally realizing that this teeny tiny chick is going to go completely bat shit crazy all over his dumb ass, Alex’s wide brown eyes shift helplessly to mine as Stacy pokes a slender finger at his massive, wall-like chest.
He kind of looks like he might want me to intervene on his behalf. I almost laugh because that is so not going to happen. I’m viewing this whole thing as a teachable moment. I only hope that Alex is teachable. Although, in all honesty, the jury is still out on that one… because from what I’ve seen tonight regarding Alex, my guess is probably not.