I can’t help but snort with laughter. “You got that right.”
Forty minutes later, we pull up in front of my dad’s house. The one he bought with Leah after they got married so they could have a fresh start. Which really means she hadn’t wanted to share a house with my mother’s ghost and memories. I can’t help but stare up at it dispassionately. It doesn’t feel like home at all. Even though I lived here for two years before leaving for college, there are no fond memories to be had.
There’s just… nothing.
It’s like going to visit a distant relative I have absolutely no connection with.
A fresh wave of sadness rushes over me.
As if sensing my distress, Roan squeezes my hand again and that’s when I realize he’s been holding it for almost an hour. Gently I slip my fingers from his. They feel a little too good wrapped up in his strength. And I don’t want to feel that because it’s not real.
The intimacy between us isn’t real.
“You ready?”
Not daring to speak, because if I do, I’ll probably ask him to drive me straight back to campus, I jerk my head into a tight little nod before unclasping my seatbelt. Taking a deep breath, I open the door and swing my legs out. It’s so weird that I haven’t been back here in almost a year and a half. My eyes slowly rove over the two story arts and craft style house.
Leah had wanted something with character. Lots of wood and built ins. Everything within the house has been updated but it has stayed true to the original concept and style of the house. Again, it couldn’t be more different than the rectangle saltbox style house I spent the first sixteen years of my life in. Even though Leah and my dad have both told me a countless number of times that this is my house and I should feel comfortable here, I don’t.
I’m like a stranger who doesn’t quite fit in.
I try not to dwell on the fact that ever since my mother died, I don’t really feel like I belong anywhere.
As I force myself to start walking towards the house, Roan is right there at my side. I can’t help but glance over at him, suddenly glad he’s here with me which is completely bizarre because we haven’t really known each other all that long. We’ve barely become friends and yet, here he is. Catching a glimpse into something so intensely personal. It leaves me feeling vulnerable and exposed in a way I don’t particularly feel comfortable with.
Just as we’re climbing up the cement front stairs, I reach out, grabbing hold of his hand, halting his progress to the large wooden door with its ornate beveled glass window. “Thank you.” I gulp out the words before I’m not able to say them. “I really appreciate you doing this for me.”
His blueish-green eyes burn into mine right before his hand tightens around my fingers. Then he’s pulling me to him until I’m flush against his big body. “I’m sorry I forced you into this,” he whispers, his eyes searching mine, “I should have kept my mouth shut.” His lips twitch with just a spark of humor. “I shouldn’t have answered your phone.”
Those words bring just a hint of a smile to my own lips. One of my brows slowly slides upwards and I can’t resist asking, “Even though I don’t have a passcode?”
His smile intensifies. The way his turquoise eyes caress mine has my breath suddenly hitching.
“Not being passcode protected,” he recites as if he’s heard it a millions times, “is not an invitation to answer someone’s phone… or take a gander at their emails… or text messages… or their surprisingly awful taste in music.”
All thoughts of the excruciating afternoon ahead of us vanish as I gasp, “You didn’t!”
He compresses his lips tightly together looking slightly apologetic before clearing his throat. “I might have peeked through a few things.”
It’s not exactly like I have intensely personal stuff on there, but still! That’s a total invasion of privacy!
Grrrr.
Just as I’m getting ready to blast him, his lips suddenly descend until I can feel them whispering across mine. But they never quite touch, more like hover, as the breath lodges in my throat with sudden anticipation. After a long drawn out moment, he finally murmurs against them, “How about we focus on the fact that I’ve learned my lesson and I’ll never do it again.”
All of the fight that had just been brewing within me quickly evaporates as we silently stare at one another. I’m wondering if he’s going to finally kiss me again when the front door is yanked open. We jerk apart so abruptly I almost lose my footing which is exactly when Roan slides an arm around my waist. We both turn towards my father who stands there with a bemused expression on his face as his eyes slowly bounce from me to Roan before finally settling on me again.