I'm not doing this again. I am not going to slink back to Ryan and apologize for standing up for myself. So what if he's looking out for my health? It's my health. It should be my decision.
It is my decision. I can take the part, but I'll have to face the consequences. Ryan might be angry. He might scold me or lecture me or even break up with me. And, without Ryan, I might not be able to handle my health. I might not be able to handle my fuck ups.
I bite my fingernails, hoping he will come to the lounge and apologize, but I know it's hopeless. He doesn't apologize. Still, I check my phone for any kind of contact from Ryan.
Instead, I see a message from Luke. “Are you okay?”
How did his name find its way into my phone?
I reply. “How did you get this number?”
Ding. “Your phone was just sitting on the table.”
“Stalker,” I reply. I shouldn't be happy about this intrusion of privacy. But it almost seems sweet. I would have given him my number if he asked.
Oh please, you'd give him a lot more than that.
Ding. “Do you need someone to talk to?”
Is he really after talking?
“Why? Do you know someone?” I reply.
Ding. “This one guy. He can be an asshole, but he's good looking.”
How can I be smiling over this? Luke may be funny and direct, but he's as arrogant as Ryan is. He's as happy to speak for me as Ryan is.
But he's reaching out to
me. It's not an apology, but it's something.
“I have a no asshole policy,” I reply.
Ding. “I can convince him to play nice. Maybe even to apologize for his previous assholery.”
Ding. “And if I ask, he'll take his shirt off so you can gape at his abs.”
“Just talking?” I reply.
There's nothing for a minute, then a ding. “If that's what you want.”
Ding. “The north tower, on the 11th floor. Room 1113.”
Does he really think I'm such a slut I'll go to his apartment? Does he think I'll give it up in his bedroom? No, Luke doesn't twist things like that. He's not a nice guy, not exactly, but he's straightforward. What was it he said? When he wants to fuck me, he'll ask nicely.
But what if he doesn't ask nicely? What if he doesn't ask at all? What if he's not interested?
Come on, Alyssa, put on your big girl panties. You both know why he invited you to his apartment. Why don't you enjoy it for once?
I check my phone for a reply from Ryan. Nothing.
Does Ryan even deserve a second thought? No, it doesn't matter. We're just going to talk. We're not going to do anything we shouldn't.
The elevator ride feels like an eternity. I check my makeup in the mirrored ceilings as the doors slide open. It's still a little messy, but what difference does it make?
Deep breath. I walk to his apartment. I knock. The door opens and Luke whisks me inside.
“I was hoping you'd come,” he says. He presses me against the closed door, but he doesn't kiss me. He doesn't even touch me. His body hovers over mine, a few inches of air between us. Not that I care.