Finally, I snap all the way back to life. “Should we talk?” I ask.
“Yes, but it's late and I don't want to get you in trouble,” he says. “Now, come on. Let's destroy the evidence.”
He leads me into the shower, and we spend a long time in the steamy stall, lips locked, hands roaming each other’s bodies.
Chapter 12
I cross my fingers as I unlock the door. It's late. Maybe Ryan went to sleep. Maybe Ryan is too tired to argue. Maybe Ryan doesn't realize how late it is.
Shit. The apartment is dark except for a light from his laptop screen. He's awake, but he's working. Maybe he doesn't realize—
The laptop clicks shut and Ryan moves towards me in the dark. “Where were you?” he asks.
“I went for a walk.”
“It's 1 A.M.”
Fuck. It can't be that late, can it? Was I really in Luke's room for three hours? “I lost track of time,” I say.
“I was worried sick. You didn't pick up your phone.”
“I didn't want to talk to you.”
“I don't want to fight, sweetheart. We have a good thing. We should keep it that way.”
“I know,” I say.
Ryan moves towards me. He rubs my arms, softer than I expected. “I thought about it, and you were right. You need something to focus your attention on or you'll do nothing but go to the gym and count calories.”
“Yes.” Is it possible he finally understands? I feel sick. If he understands, things might be okay. If he understands, if he's giving me a little room here, then what the fuck did I just do with Luke?
“I called Corine. I told her you'll take the part.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Isn't that why you threw a hissy fit over dinner?”
“Because I want it to be my decision,” I say
“What difference does it make?” Ryan asks, but he knows very well what difference it makes. “You were right. I wasn't looking out for your best interests, but I am now.”
He is right. I am getting what I wanted. Ryan gave me what I wanted. What does it matter if he didn't do it the way I'd like? I will be an actress again. I will have my life back. Things will go back to normal. Ryan will still look out for me.
I check my phone. I've got half a dozen calls and three messages from Corine. “Darling, I knew you'd come around. Now call me back so we can schedule all the bullshit meetings. The showrunner is dying to meet ASAP.”
I go to call her back but Ryan stops me.
“It's 1 A.M.,” he says.
Ryan is right. I need to calm down. I can call tomorrow, first thing. I can get my life back on track. My life with Ryan. With no place for illicit affairs. With no place for Luke.
“Come on, sweetheart, let's go to bed,” Ryan says.
I brush my teeth, change into my pajamas, and slip into bed next to Ryan. It is not close or sweet or romantic, but it is warm and safe and comfortable. Ryan will always look out for me. I need to remember that.
***
I have an intense dream. I am in Luke's apartment, peeling off my clothes, climbing on top of him, moving from his couch to his floor as he fucks me. I wake up in a cold, panicked sweat. For a minute, I really believe it was a dream, only a dream. Because I am Alyssa Summers, devoted fiancée, honest woman, serious actor. I am not the kind of person who cheats, and I am certainly not the kind of person who cheats on a supportive fiancé.