Rouse Me (Rouse Me 1) - Page 78
“I thought I wouldn't have to.”
“Come on, Alyssa, what's wrong?”
“I don't care if you broke up, if she gave you back her ring. I don't care about whatever you tell yourself about how you and Samantha ended a long time ago. You haven't let go of her.”
“You're engaged,” he says.
“And I'll probably stay that way. If you can't let go of her, what chance do I have of letting go of Ryan?”
“He treats you like a child.”
“And how do you treat Samantha?”
“It's not like that with her. She doesn't have a lot of friends. I'm only helping her out.”
“How often do you think about her?”
“Not as often as I think about you,” he says.
“I have to go. Ryan is going to be upset. And I'm not going to survive you breaking my heart without him.”
“I would never—”
“You'd never do it on purpose.”
I get up and pull my wet jeans up my hips.
“Don't go,” he says. “I don't love her that way anymore. I swear.”
“This is getting too complicated,” I say.
“It doesn't have to be. I care about you. You care about me. It can be that simple.”
“Maybe,” I say.
“Please, I'll love you in a way he never has.”
“You said that before.”
“I meant it. Come on, Alyssa. Don't get scared over this stuff in my past. I'm helping out a friend. That's all.”
“Maybe,” I say, but I don't believe it.
He gets up and presses his arms around me. His chest is so safe and warm and this is all too much to think about. I feel his lips on my forehead, his hands on my back. I want to give into the comfort. I want to walk back into Ryan's apartment, pack my stuff, and tell him it's over.
But I can't. I still need Ryan. I don't want to need him, but I do. I don't want to need someone to take care of me, but I do.
Luke couldn't protect Samantha even when she had his full attention. How is he going to protect me when he spends all his time protecting her?
How is he going to love m
e when he sees her in every stumble I take?
I don't want to need protection. I don't want to be so pathetic. I'm scared he'll take care of me and I'm scared he won't. I'm scared I'm replacing her and I'm scared that I'm not.
“I need more time,” I say, pulling away from him.
“I understand,” he says. And, suddenly, I feel cold, and no amount of sun on my back can change it.
Source: readsnovelonline.net