I look back at Luke. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“Either I break up with you or you break up with Ryan.”
“Right now? I can't exactly end it with a text.”
“Then tonight, when you get home. Before you come up with another excuse.”
“But…”
“You know how you feel. Either you love me or you love him. Either you want me or you want him. You don't get to keep having it both ways.”
“But…”
“Call him right now. Leave a message on his stupid voicemail. I can wait here if you want. I can wait here until you finish work and we can go away for the weekend. We can go anywhere. I don't care. But you need to tell me now. You need to do it today.”
“I have to get back to work,” I say.
“It's only been an hour,” he says.
“Am I supposed to make this decision right now?”
“You've already made it. This is your chance to reconsider.”
“That's not fair,” I say. “I haven't even known you for two months. How am I supposed to tear apart my whole life for something that probably won't work out?”
“You know how you feel about him. You know how you feel about me. That's all you need,” he says. “Tell me you're going to break up with him. Tell me you're choosing me.”
I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. I want to say those words. I want to tell Luke I choose him. I want to tell Luke I'll leave Ryan. I want to run away with Luke, and have our weekend together.
But I can't. I can't risk falling apart again. And how will I survive without Ryan holding me together?
“Give me more time,” I say.
“I have to do this now. Or I'll never do it.”
“So never do it.”
“You can't sneak around forever,” he says.
“But I lo—”
“Don't say it.”
“Please. I need more time.”
“I can't do this,” Luke says. “Call me if you end things. Or if you need help ending things. If you're afraid of what he might do when you tell him you're ending things. Or if you need help burying the body.”
“What if I need you?”
“I don't want you to hurt yourself, but I can't be there for you like that anymore. Not unless I get all of you.”
“But I need you,” I say.
“I need you, too. But not like this,” he says.
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“So, what, if I don't leave him, is this the last time I'll see you?”