And, right now, I need real.
His lips brush against my neck. My body reacts instantly.
My back arches of its own accord.
My legs part.
My tongue slides over my lips.
"You're overwhelmed." He whispers it in my ear like it's a dirty promise.
"I know how I feel. I don't need you explaining it to me." My body whines at my protests. It doesn't want to talk. It doesn't want feelings. It wants his hands and his mouth and his cock.
He pushes my hair aside with a gentle touch. Then it's his lips on my neck. He kisses me. Softly. Then harder.
"Tell me I'm wrong." His fingers skim the bare skin on my back. They settle on the top of my zipper.
"Do you even care?"
His eyes turn down. He actually looks hurt. I think. His expressions are all so similar. "I want to make this as easy as possible for you."
"You wouldn't want a difficult wife?"
"No." He undoes my zipper. "I like you, Kat. I want you to be happy."
"Really?"
"I don't lie when we're alone."
Happy is a tall order, given the circumstances. "That isn't going to happen. Not with all this deception."
He nods with understanding. "You don't want to think about it."
It's more a statement than a question. I nod anyway. I stare into Blake's blue eyes. They're still beautiful and deep and impenetrable. "Distract me."
His lips curl into a half-smile. He nods. "Close your eyes."
I do.
He turns me so I'm facing away from him.
He pushes my dress off my shoulders.
It falls to my waist.
I'm topless— this was one of those can't-wear-a-bra-under-it dresses.
I'm exposed. On display.
It makes my sex clench.
I still like it. I still like feeling dirty. Blake still seems to know my desires better than I do.
His hands skim my back, sides, torso. He draws circles around my nipples.
My thoughts float away. They're off in some corner of my brain. Desire is taking over the rest.
I need him.
Now.
Faster than now.
I arch my back, pushing my breasts into his hands. He nips at my ear. And his hands, oh his hands.
"Are you on birth control?" he asks.
I nod. "The shot." As promised, he sent me his test results after our last conversation.
He tugs at my dress, lifting my ass so he can slide it to my feet. "You remember the safeword?"
"Yes."
He tugs hard at my panties. They strain against my hips until the lace fabric snaps.
Blake's lips find mine. His kiss is commanding. Possessive.
It wakes up every nerve in my body. It gets every part of me screaming for more of him.
I shift my hips. I tug at the fabric of his suit jacket. I kiss him back as hard as I can.
His pulls me onto his lap. I can feel his erection through his slacks. Fuck, it feels so good, knowing he's hard because of me. There's something instinctive and visceral about it.
I want my hands around him.
I want him coming from my touch.
Or my mouth.
I have no idea how to touch a man beyond late night gossip sessions back in high school. But I don't care that I'm inexperienced. That I may make a fool of myself.
I want him too badly to care.
He drags his lips down my neck, over my collarbone and chest. His mouth closes around my nipple. He sucks hard. Soft. Then it's short flicks of his tongue. Long ones.
I surrender to the sensations forming in my body.
His soft, wet mouth.
His strong hands.
The cold leather against my thighs.
The strain as he spreads my legs.
His thumb against my clit.
Pleasure wells up inside me as he rubs me. It pushes out that last nagging thought, the one reminding me about the weight on my left hand.
Then he's teasing me with one finger. I rock my hips to meet him deeper but he teases and teases and teases.
Finally, he slides his finger inside me.
Damn. That feels good.
It's not as intense as last time, when it was his cock inside me, but it's still fucking amazing.
He rubs me, sucking on my nipples as he fucks me with his fingers.
It's so much sensation. I can barely take it. But this time, my hands are on his skin. This time I can touch him.
I tug at his tie and toss it aside. I undo the top two buttons of his shirt. My fingers skim his chest. He's hard and strong against my palm. And warm.
The whole world is warm.
I dig my nails into his skin. He sucks harder. Strokes harder. Pushes deeper.
The pressure inside me winds tighter. I tug at Blake's hair. I shift my hips. I let out a heavy groan.
Everything unfurls as I come.
"Blake." I pull him closer. I groan his name.
Bliss overwhelms me. Every part of me feels good. Home. Safe. Satisfied.
Blake wraps his arms around me.
I blink my eyes open. Stare into his baby blues.
He's the Blake I understand. The one who only wants my body. Who only brings me pleasure.
If only we understood each other like this all the time.
He runs his fingers through my hair and leans in to press his lips to mine.
I kiss him harder. I need all of him. Not just his body, but the rest of him too. He's going to be my husband. I need more than great sex. I need something else to hold onto.
He drags his lips to my ear. "Turn around." His voice is a demand. "Hands against the back of the seat."
I shift off him, plant my knees on the bench, and press my palms against the slick leather.
He positions himself behind me. His zipper undoes. My tongue slides over my lips reflexively. I want so badly to touch him or taste him. Something. Anything.
But I'm still at his mercy.
No, I like being at his mercy.
I want it.
And I want more.
I want everything.
For the first time in my life, I'm greedy.
His fingers dig into my hips. He holds me in place as he drives into me. It's one hard thrust. I get the full force of him.
Just him. No condom. Nothing between us. Well, between our bodies.
My eyelids press together.
He feels so good. Warm and hard and mine. Like his body was made for mine. Like we're both exactly where we belong.
&nb
sp; "You need to come on my cock." His voice is heavy. Almost desperate.
I nod. I need to come on his cock. I need it more than I've ever needed anything.
He holds me in place as he fucks me.
He goes hard. Deep. It hurts, but in a good way. In a fucking amazing way.
Pleasure wells up inside me. I tug at the seat. Curl my toes. Groan against the leather.
It spurs him on. Gets him going deeper. Groaning lower.
He slides his hand between my legs to stroke my clit.
Fuck.
It pushes me right to the edge. Almost…
I arch my back, shifting my hips to meet his thrusts.
His nails dig into my skin. A warning that he's in charge. I moan some kind of affirmation. He's in control. I love him in control.
A few more thrusts and I'm there. All that pressure unwinds. My sex pulses as I come. I groan his name. I rock my hips. I try to do something to contain the intensity of it, but it still knocks me over.
My knees shake.
My hands slip.
Blake helps me up. Holds me tighter. Only he's not Blake now. He's that animal version.
His groans are low and deep.
His movements are rough. Hard.
He moves faster. Deeper.
It hurts, but in a good way.
His breath gets ragged. His groans get higher. His nails dig into my skin.
Then he's there. I can feel his orgasm in the way his cock pulses, in the way his groans run together, in the way his nails scrape my flesh.
When he's done, he pulls back and zips his slacks.
I collapse on the bench seat. I'm naked. He's dressed.
I hold onto my satisfaction for as long as I can. Maybe he'll never love me, but he will fuck me senseless. That's more than some people get.
It's not enough, but it's something.
Chapter 12
Somehow, I get back into my dress long enough to get from the garage to the elevator to Blake's apartment. He says nothing until we're in the bathroom and then it's only to ask if I'd like anything to eat or drink.
He draws a bath. Half of me wants to scream I can do this myself. The other half wants to fall into his arms and let him take care of me forever.
There's something comforting about the surrender. About letting go of all the thoughts bouncing around my head. I want to be better at it.
I want to be able to let go. To let someone else take care of me. Someone I trust.
I'm just not sure if that's Blake.