Violet offers me an earnest smile. "It feels like it's been a long time, doesn't it?"
"Has it? I'm not doing a good job keeping track of days," I admit.
"Years," Ethan teases. "Or maybe about four days."
I shoot Ethan a curious look. Is this a party or what?
"Informal get-together." Ethan slides his arms around Violet. "I figured it would be nice to get everyone together. Talk about life, about family, about Mom."
"You're sweet," Violet mumbles.
"Our secret," he whispers back.
"Secret's out," Joel says.
"Joel's sweet too." Bella nudges her husband. "He doesn't want anyone to know."
"I don't mind them knowing how sweet your cunt—"
Bella presses her hand over his mouth. She throws Dad an apologetic smile.
"That's not what you meant?" Joel asks. It's only barely mumbled by her hand.
"Close enough." She leans in to kiss him. It's a long, hard kiss then she's whispering in his ear. No doubt something that proves he really is sweet.
It's still bizarre seeing Joel as a married man, but it's fucking obvious he loves her.
This whole room is full of love—Ethan and Violet, Kit and Piper, Joel and Bella.
But it's not just the couples making out on the couch.
It's not just my brother and sister.
We're all a family.
We all love each other.
We do anything for each other.
It hurts that Mom is gone. It hurts that, soon, Dad will be gone too. But I have so much fucking love in my life. More than most people.
I settle into my seat and get lost in telling stories about each other. About Mom and Dad. About history so ancient it feels like an actual fairytale.
And I feel all that love.
It warms my chest.
But it also makes me acutely aware of this gaping hole inside of me.
It's not Mom's abandonment.
It's that Lacey isn't here.
It's fucking ridiculous that Lacey isn't here.
She loves me.
And I love her.