But I do.
* * *
The cold water numbs my hands and feet.
It wakes up my tired brain.
It sends all my thoughts right back to Iris.
I paddle past the break point. Watch waves form and crash on the sand. Wait for the right set.
Turn my board. Catch a wave. Hop to my feet.
It's an amazing ride.
But I barely feel it.
I barely manage to balance.
My head isn't in the game.
It's on Iris.
The way she smiled as she propped herself up on her surfboard.
The way she looked at me like I could take all her pain away.
All that shaking in her shoulders as she tried to tell me.
The way it stopped when I promised it didn't matter.
I spend the entire morning at the beach. I catch wave after wave. I manage to clear my head enough to balance.
But I still drive home thinking of her.
I still shower thinking of her.
I still get dressed wanting to wrap my arms around her.
* * *
I muster up the enthusiasm to high-five my customer on his way out the door. He sat through a huge piece of ink. It's a badass design. The kind of thing that usually excites me. That usually demands every bit of my attention.
It helped. It did.
Iris stayed in the back of my mind.
But now that my distraction is gone, my brain is flashing a neon sign. Iris in capital letters.
I force a smile as the guy walks away. It fades as soon as I turn into the shop. We're past our usual closing time. Except for Ryan and Leighton whispering over something at the counter, the place is empty.
They look cozy. Strangely cozy given Ryan's usual attitude toward conversation.
His misery finally makes sense to me.
It's like I'm missing a limb.
But it's worse. Because it's like the limb told me to go fuck myself and removed itself from my body.