Right now, I have to survive my first day. And that starts with choking down breakfast.
I do one more makeup check. My eyes look perfectly awake.
My lips and cheeks wear just the hint of color.
I look cute, effortless, vibrant.
Hell, with my glasses on, I'm a bona fide cute nerd.
But my smiling reflection only twists the knife in my gut.
"Hey," Emma calls from downstairs. "You need to leave soon."
"You too." I force myself to head to the kitchen.
She jumps to her feet and throws her arms around me. "I wanted to see you off."
I squeeze her back.
"You okay, Kay? You seem... sad." The word is a struggle. It sounds odd on her tongue. She's as bad at talking about feelings as I am.
"Tired."
"You sure that's it?"
No. I want to tell her more. To tell her everything. But she can't know about my depression. And she certainly can't know what happened between me and her brother. I can't take her hating me too. "We can talk later."
She steps back with a smile. "Boy trouble?"
"Sorta."
Her jaw drops. Her dark eyes light up. "You like someone?"
"It's more compli—"
"Oh my God! You like someone." She squeezes me again. "We're going to talk about this all night. Can you help me go red?"
"Of course. How red?"
"More crimson. Like a vampire."
"It will suit you."
"I think so too." She smiles as she picks up her backpack and slides it over one shoulder. "You want a ride?"
"I'd rather bike." I motion to the clock. Her first class is in half an hour. I have an extra hour after that. "Go. Kick ass."
"Okay." She blows me a kiss as she steps backward. "I love you, Kay." She reaches for the door. Pulls it open. "Don't worry. We'll put our heads together. Figure out this boy problem."
I swallow the confession that rises up in my throat. "I trust you."
She blows me a kiss as she makes her way out the door.
The lock clicks. Her car turns on and pulls away.
I fix a cup of tea. Pour my own bowl of cereal. Watch as my Trader Joe's brand frosted wheat cereal goes from hard to soft. Force myself to eat the shredded wheat until it's soft instead of rough.
Then I clean up all the dishes. Make another cup of tea. Stare at the text from Brendon on my phone.