Her laugh is hearty. Full. "How about taking off my clothes?"
"That will probably work." I bring my hands to her waist. Pull her a little closer. "If I'm being honest."
"I knew that." She looks down at me. "If I'm being honest."
This time, I laugh. "You think you know me so well."
"Sometimes. Other times… I'm not as sure. But I want to."
"I want you to."
"Where does that leave us?"
"You didn't respond to my offer."
"Oh." She presses her lips together. "The hospital is by my place. In the valley."
"I figured."
"Can, um… can we have sex after?"
"You'll have to drag me away."
She smiles like a kid on Christmas morning. "Yeah?"
"Fuck yeah." Fuck me. The thought of unwrapping Chloe isn't doing shit to get blood back to my brain.
"I… I don't know how to say this, Dean, but it kille
d me when Alex left. Not because I loved him. I did. But what hurt more was how wrong I was about him. I thought he loved me too. I thought he was the kind of guy who really wanted to be with me through sickness and through health. I can't go through that again."
I nod.
"So, yes, I want you to come tomorrow. But only if you're sure you're going to stick around if the prognosis is bad. Only if you're sure you can handle it."
"I get that."
"So… I mean, you don't have to answer now. You can think about it. Sleep on it. But if you want to come, I need to know. And I get it if you aren't in. If you're not ready to take that on. It's… it's not what I'd expect from you."
Me either.
"Watching my mom die was the worst thing I ever felt. Worse than worrying I might die. Worse than the looks Gia and Dad gave me every three seconds. Worse than forgetting how to want someone."
It's a fair question.
I'm not sure it's one I can answer. Not honestly. Not without really knowing what it means to love someone who might be dying.
Even if the odds are good.
Even if the odds are negligible.
Can I honestly promise her that?
I have to be sure.
"Come here." I wrap my arms around her and I kiss her hard and deep.
I let every feeling in my body rise to the surface.