When he stopped moving, I didn’t feel anything. My body felt numb. Crippled with pain and fear. Pulling out of me, he removed his hand and placed his palms on the mattress on either side of my face. He leaned over me and smiled.
“Happy sweet sixteen, love.”
I would never forget that smile. It was forever etched in my memory.
I woke up trying to scream and shot up straight in bed, covered in sweat. I breathed heavily, my heart pounding hard against my ribcage. The veins in my neck throbbed and my head ached.
I felt hot. Too hot. I was burning and my body shook violently with silent tremors. I could barely breathe. Quickly scrambling off the bed, I stood and paced the room.
Unsteady with dizziness, everything around me blurred. My ears were making a strange stinging noise and then everything was muted.
“A nightmare. It was just a nightmare, Ayla. Just a nightmare,” I told myself.
But it wasn’t just a nightmare.
It was my reality. My truth. Images flashed through my head all at once and I fell to my knees. It was too much. I closed my eyes against the blast of agony that went through my body.
Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed. The pressure built in my chest and my stomach heaved. I felt empty inside.
My tears were never-ending and I began to gag. My whole body shook as I bent forward and dry-heaved. I laid down on the floor, curling into myself as I continued to weep.
I thought I ran away from my past, but it followed me. Even though I was no longer in Alberto’s trap, he still held the strings.
I just wished for once that I could live without fear. Just once, I wanted to be absolutely free.
I wanted to scream. Rage at the unfairness bestowed upon me. But I couldn’t.
I wanted to forget, but I was stupid to believe that I could be happy. My reality would always follow in the end.
My weeping turned to jerky breaths as exhaustion overcame me. Opening my burning eyes, the first thing that I saw was Alessio’s suit jacket on my sofa chair.
Without thinking, I crawled toward the sofa and grabbed the jacket. I buried my face in the fabric and cried silently.
When my tears and hiccups finally died down, I slumped against the sofa and took a deep breath, and once again I could smell Alessio’s cologne. I began to relax.
I didn’t know why or how, but his smell calmed me. I breathed into Alessio’s jacket. Other than his cologne, I could smell him. And that was enough to make me feel safe again.
All I wanted was peace and even if it was for a little while, I had found it. I didn’t question it. I didn’t want to. I just accepted it.
Lying down on the floor beside the sofa, I curled into a ball and pulled Alessio’s jacket close to my chest and buried my face in it.
That was how I felt asleep again.
This time my sleep was free from nightmares and Alberto’s evil grin.
All I felt was peace.
Chapter 17
Ayla
The sunlight shone on my face and I squeezed my eyes tightly against the glare. Turning around, I winced at the soreness in my back and felt my forehead crease in confusion. Why did my soft, cuddly bed feel so hard?
Groggily, I blinked my eyes open and came face to face with the bottom of the couch in my bedroom.
I rubbed my eyes in an effort to get rid of the sleepiness. A lazy yawn escaped from my mouth and I groaned, falling back on the floor again as I crossed my arms over my chest.
Turning my head to the side, I saw Alessio’s jacket lying next to my face. I frowned in confusion and slowly brought my hand to the jacket, running my fingers softly over the fabric.
“Hmm,” I hummed as I tried to think back to last night, feeling strangely disoriented.
Why am I holding his suit jacket?
As soon as the thought ran through my mind, I quickly sat up, dizziness rushing through me. My harsh breathing filled the room and last night flashed before my eyes.
I was worn out, tired of constantly thinking about the past. Tired of fighting my demons.
Feeling numb, I brought his jacket to my chest, holding it there as I closed my eyes. I hated my nightmares. When I escaped, the first few nights were horrible. I could barely get any sleep. But then for two nights, I didn’t have any nightmares.
I felt hopeful.
Last night, all that hope came crashing down around me. I was so naïve to think that I could escape such a horrendous reality. Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I stood up and stumbled toward my bathroom.
I didn’t even look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I walked straight to the shower and let the warm water cascade over me.