“Will you please look at…me?” I whispered, my voice breaking.
He faced me, and I breathed in a painful breath. Dark grey eyes. Dark angry eyes. Filled with something akin to hurt.
His jaw clenched, and I saw him grit his teeth. The tired look on his face was masked with harshness. But underneath it all…I saw the one thing that had the power to break me.
I saw disappointment in his gaze.
A sense of emptiness filled my chest, and my stomach dropped. I felt hollow. My fingers twitched, and my arms were begging to wrap around Lyov and hold him.
I am sorry, Master, I wanted to say. But I couldn’t speak.
“I don’t like to repeat myself. Go to sleep, Maria.”
He stared at me, waiting and watching my reaction. When I didn’t move, he cocked his head to the side. He looked menacing. I wasn’t scared, though. There was no fear. Not at all.
My gaze skittered to the bed before I looked at Lyov again. Please hold me.
Maybe he could tell something from my expression because he sighed and pinched his eyes closed. “Please, Maria.”
That did it. His almost broken please. Him begging me.
“Okay,” I agreed. Leaving my shopping bags in the corner of the room, I quickly changed my clothes and pulled on my nightgown. After turning off the lights, I climbed into bed.
Lyov still hadn’t moved from his position. His back stayed straight, his body tight as he watched my every move. I pulled the bedsheet over my body and laid on my side, facing the window, where he was standing.
He sat down on the couch. We were still facing each other. We were still staring, our gaze never wavering from each other. The silence between us stretched.
I took in a deep breath. Even though he wasn’t touching me, holding me…even though in this moment, Lyov was emotionally and physically withdrawn from me, his presence was still my safe haven.
Lyov knew that. Without as much as a touch, he brought me comfort.
My eyes started to droop, and a sense of something heavy settled over my shoulders. I forced myself to stay awake, not wanting to look away from my Lyov for even a second.
After a few more seconds of battling against my sleep, through hazy eyes, I watched Lyov stand up and walk away. No. Come back.
I didn’t have the energy to call him back. I was cocooned in a smog of despair, and it hurt. It hurt so much, knowing that I had hurt Lyov. My heart broke a thousand times when I thought about how stupid I was. They were simple rules to follow. Lyov never asked much of me. I was given what I needed…or wanted. He gave me everything and asked so little in return. Yet…I messed up.
I was reckless. Selfish. It hurt even more when I realized that I purposely went against him, knowing full well of the consequences. I was literally silently begging for this mess.
Lyov. His name was just a whisper in my mind as sleep took over, and I went under, sinking into the darkness.
***
In the faraway world of my sleep, I felt the bed move. And then I felt his touch. I forced myself to open my eyes, to gaze upon Lyov’s face, but sleep was lulling me hard into the darkness, and I couldn’t fight the dense fog.
So I just let myself feel it. Him. His touch. His sweet gentle caress that I had desperately yearned for. He had refused to give it to me, leaving me cold and wanting. Needing.
Gently, he stroked his finger down my cheek, and I wanted to move into his touch. I wanted to weep with happiness. Master was touching me. He wasn’t angry anymore. I hoped he wasn’t.
Lyov tucked my hair behind my ears, and he continued to caress the round softness of my cheeks and then traced the edge my jaw. His warm plump lips feathered over my forehead in a sweet kiss. “Angel,” he whispered, and I smiled. My soul was filled with warmth and contentment.
I wanted to lose myself in him, drown in him and his scent. Don’t stop touching me. Please. Don’t be mad anymore.
A sigh escaped past my lips, and his touch disappeared. I reached for him through my dreams, fighting against cloudy binds. Master was gone again. There was a dull ache in my chest again, but this time, I let the fogginess of sleep sweep me away.
The next time I woke up, the sense of despair had still not left me. I rolled over in bed, hoping to find Lyov. When I touched cold emptiness, tears stung my eyes. I looked around the room, searching for him, and I found nothing. Not even a glimpse of my hard, angry, yet gentle lover.
Getting out of bed, I left the room. I could tell it was still in the middle of the night. The house was dark and eerily silent. Everyone was asleep as I went in search for Master. My bare feet softly padded across the hall, and I stopped in front of the piano room.