The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless 8)

I lifted my gaze to look at him.

He stared down into his beer and shook his head. “I was young and stupid. Tabitha and I drank too much, and it just happened. And…it was fucking wrong. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth losing you. It wasn’t worth the self-loathing. That’s my biggest regret, and I’d do anything to take it back, to get back the last ten years, to…have my best friend again.”

I recognized his sincerity a lot easier this time because it was identical to my own. It was exactly the way I sounded when I talked to Emerson, the only woman I would ever love. There was no way for her to really know how sorry I was, how much I would be there for her every single day for the rest of our lives. I could never prove it to her, and that killed me. If she knew, if she really understood, maybe I would have a chance. “I know you mean it, Kevin.”

He released the air from his lungs, a long, drawn-out sigh, like that was what he needed to find peace.

I finally took the weight off my shoulders and let it go. And I felt better for it.

“I know it’s not my place to say this, but Tabitha has told me many times over the years how much she hates herself for what happened. She knows there’s no chance you would ever get back together, but she’s sad that you’re no longer in our lives. You were our friend, and we lost you.”

“She told me.”

“I just want you to know she’s really sorry too. And she and I never got together after that rehearsal dinner. We were only friends, talking about you pretty much all the time, helping each other get through the tragedy of losing you.”

It didn’t make a difference to me whether they got together again after that night. Neither one of them was my friend from that point onward, so they didn’t owe me anything.

He stared at me for a while, hoping I would say something about her. When I didn’t, he let it go. “I don’t expect us to go back to what we used to be. I don’t expect us to forget what happened. But…I’d really like it if we could be friends again. Maybe spend some time together. I know we haven’t talked in a decade, but I still think of you as my best friend.”

I dropped my gaze, my heart hurting because I felt the same way. Ryan was my best friend now, but that only happened after I lost Kevin. But when I thought of my best friend in my head, it was always Kevin, because we were so close for twenty years. He was such an integral part of my childhood, and he couldn’t be erased. If my parents threw out all the pictures of him, I would have very few pictures left of my childhood …because we were in the same photos. “Yeah, I’d be okay with that.” I lifted my chin and looked at him again.

He quickly looked away and turned his gaze out the window, the light catching the reflection in his eyes, the emotion unable to be swallowed and concealed inside his chest. He took a few breaths before he cleared his throat, hiding the instant he let everything come through, let his heart come through. “That…that makes me happy.” When he was calm once again, he turned back to me.

There was less tightness in my chest, less bitterness. Instead of seeing him as the asshole who stabbed me in the back, I saw the person he used to be, somebody who still cared about me despite the mistake he made. “So, you’re getting married?”

He nodded. “I am.”

“What’s she like?”

“Um…” He took a drink of his beer, like he needed to moisten his throat. He hadn’t expected to have a conversation with me, for us to talk like friends, for us to catch up on our lives. “She’s gorgeous…funny…awesome. When I met her, I just knew.” He shrugged. “I know that sounds lame, but that’s how it happened. We met about a year ago, and I proposed to her within seven months.”

“Good for you.”

“Thanks, man. I didn’t know what love was until I met her. I was just going from woman to woman, not really thinking about the future, and then we met. The ending of my story was written.”

I instantly thought of Emerson, the woman I wanted every day for the rest of my life, through the good and the bad, through the darkness and the light. I lost that, and I didn’t think I’d ever get it back. “What’s her name?”

“Beatrice. People call her B.”

I nodded. “Nice.”

“What about you? I saw you with that woman at the rehearsal dinner.”

I dropped my gaze at the mention of Emerson. “We aren’t together anymore.”