The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless 8)

She still didn’t turn my way.

“I understand that you’re angry with me. I understand why you’re angry with me. You have every right. But no matter how upset you are, just remember that I paid the ultimate price. I’m the one who lost both of you, and that will haunt me forever.”

She gently turned her chin toward me, looking at me in her periphery.

“I know it’s hard to understand, but sometimes you have to lose something to realize how valuable it is. What’s happened with my mom has altered my entire outlook on life, made me realize what you both meant to me…what you still mean to me.”

She turned her head a little more and finally looked at me.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Lizzie. Really…I am.” Now that I could really feel…feel every emotion that coursed through my veins, I saw the future that I lost. She was like a daughter to me, someone I could have mentored, protected, and nurtured. When Emerson told me about her, I flipped out, but I should have seen what a blessing she really was. She was a great person, and I would have been lucky to be a part of her life. “The two of you made me happier than I’d been in ten years…and I let you go.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” I whispered.

“Why did you leave?”

I had no idea what Emerson had told her, but I just went with the truth. “Everything. The rocket, the anniversary of my birth mother’s death—”

“Your birth mother?” she asked.

“Cleo isn’t my biological mother.”

“So, she’s your stepmother?”

“Technically. But I’ve never called her that. My own mother basically abandoned me and moved on. She passed away unexpectedly, and I never got a chance to really talk to her about everything. That’s always bothered me. But Cleo has loved me as her own since she met me, says she sometimes has memories of being pregnant with me even though it never happened; it’s just a trick of her mind. And she’s been the best mom ever. I’m so lucky to have her, and instead of living in the past, I should have just let my birth mom go and understood that Cleo was really my mother—by blood.” I dropped my gaze and looked at my hands in my lap.

“I never knew that.”

“I don’t talk about it much.”

“Why would you not tell me that?” she whispered. “My dad left…”

I shrugged. “I never really thought about it that way.”

“So, you left us because of her?”

“No. There was other stuff too. I was engaged a long time ago and found out my fiancée was sleeping with my best friend. I had to interact with them recently for a wedding, and that really messed with my head.”

“Your fiancée cheated on you with your best friend?” she asked incredulously.

I nodded. “I found out at the rehearsal dinner.”

“Geez…assholes.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.”

Her eyes filled with sympathy. “I still don’t know why that would make you leave. Mom would never do that to you.”

“I know she wouldn’t.” My eyes started to water, and I quickly blinked them away. “It was easier to stop feeling and run than to stick around. I was a coward. I hurt your mother the way people have hurt me, as if that somehow justifies it. I just snapped. I wish there were an explanation that would suffice, but there never will be. I got lost in my grief, and only when I saw what my family had to go through did I realize I love your mother the way my father loves my mother. If that never happened…this may never have happened.”

“Yeah.” She tightened her arms around her legs.

“Anyway… I’m sorry.” I stared at my hands longer, wishing there were something better I could say to repair the trust I’d broken. But there was nothing to do except walk out and never come back.

“I guess I’ve been so angry because…it felt like I had a dad.”

I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t break down.

“I never felt like I needed a dad, but once you came around and helped me with stuff and made my mom happy…I started to realize what I was missing. I didn’t feel like I was losing my mom, but getting a bigger family. My friends talk about their family vacations and the stupid dad jokes their dads make, and I started to feel like them…normal. I got really excited about that idea, and it just sucked when it was gone.”

I couldn’t look at her because it was too fucking hard.

“And then losing you made me realize how much we needed you. Mom was devastated, she started seeing these loser guys that just made her feel worse, my grades dropped, we can’t watch certain channels on the TV because your name pops up, and then I can’t read my favorite books anymore… I never felt like I was missing anything until you came and went. Now we feel incomplete.”