I grabbed her hand and held it.
Her head remained turned so she could look at me instead of the fire.
I kept looking at her too, so grateful that this had happened, that she was really there with me. “I love you.” I interlocked our fingers and kept a firm grip, so she wouldn’t slip away even though she was going nowhere.
She held my gaze, her eyes steady. “I know you do.”
My lungs automatically pulled in a breath of air when I heard her say that to me. I loved her more than anything in the world, and I was so grateful that she knew that, that she believed me, that my idiotic mistakes didn’t diminish what I truly felt in my heart.
“I know I’m not an expert or anything…but I’m pretty sure it’s only supposed to be one piece of chocolate on a s’more.”
I smiled slightly, reliving moments I’d had with my mom, when I showed her my way of making s’mores, and she adopted that lesson even though she knew it was wrong. It became our thing…and I got to pass it down. “The first time I made a s’more, that was how I did it. My dad told me it was wrong, but my mom went with it—and we’ve been doing it ever since.”
Her eyes softened to a whole new level.
“Besides, two pieces of chocolate are always better than one.”
She smiled. “True. I’m glad Lizzie has joined your traditions.”
“Yeah, she fits right in.” I enjoyed fishing with her, even when we didn’t get a single catch, and I enjoyed telling her about the different kinds of trees on our hikes. She was curious and absorbent, interested in anything I shared with her.
I turned to the spot that had been marked for nearly thirty years, where the energy of that memory remained even decades later. “That was where my dad asked my mom to marry him.”
“Really?” She looked at the spot I indicated with my hand. “That’s sweet. No wonder this place is so special to you.”
“Yeah.” I stared at it for a while before I turned back to her. “My dad asked me to do it, actually. He asked me to get down on one knee with him and present the ring…and I asked if she would marry us both.”
Her eyes watered as she imagined it. “Oh my god, that is the most precious thing ever. He made it impossible for her to say no.”
I could remember it well, remember the sound of the crickets on that quiet night. I remembered my mom’s reaction, the way she succumbed to tears immediately. I remembered the love in her eyes, the way she loved us both, loved me as her son even before she said yes. “Yeah…he did.”
“Can we stay here forever?” Lizzie sat in the chair in front of the fire, her face covered in chocolate and sticky marshmallows. “This place is the coolest. We’re nowhere near a pizza place, and it’s still awesome. That’s how amazing it is.”
Emerson smiled at her daughter. “I love it too.” She was bundled up in her blanket, the person she used to be before I hurt her. It took her a while to lower her walls, but once they were gone, they never came back up. She found it in her big heart to forgive me, to be stronger and wiser than I’d ever been.
“My family is coming up tomorrow,” I said. “They’re gonna stay for a couple days.”
“They are?” Lizzie asked in excitement. “Cool. What for?”
“We thought we could have a graduation party for you,” I said. “Dex is coming up too.”
“Really?” Lizzie turned to her mom. “Did you know about this?”
“No, actually.” Emerson looked at me on the side of her daughter. “But that sounds like a lot of fun.”
“Sweet,” Lizzie said before she settled into the chair.
It turned quiet, the sound of the fire burning, the crickets weaving their soundtrack into the night. The stars were visible and bright, out here in the middle of nowhere where time stood still. But the adrenaline was pounding in my veins because my heart wouldn’t stay steady. I was nervous when I hadn’t been nervous the first time I did this.
I got out of the chair, slipped my hand into my pocket, and grabbed the ring I’d tried to give her before, and then I slowly lowered myself to one knee in front of them both.
Lizzie’s eyebrows were high up her face, and she quickly turned to look at her mom, her mouth opened wide. “Oh my god…Mom.”
Emerson was frozen to the spot because she clearly had no idea this was coming. Her eyes were open and still, the flames reflecting on the surface. She gripped the arms of the chair as she stared at me.
Lizzie turned back to me, a grin wide on her face.