“I have to go home and get my stuff,” he says. “I’ll text you before the plane takes off, but it may be several days before I can communicate.”
When my eyes bug out, already freaking out, he explains, “I have to turn my phone off for security. I’ll fly into Nova Scotia, then get on a plane to Germany, and from there, I’ll take another plane to Kyrgyzstan.”
“That’s a lot of flying,” I say dumbly. “You have to do all that just to come home for two weeks?”
“Yeah.” He runs his knuckles down my cheek. “Four months is going to feel like forever.”
“Probably,” I agree with a half-smile, “but we’ll get through it.”
He leans over and kisses my forehead, the tip of my nose, and then the corner of my mouth. “I know how you feel about promises, so I won’t make any. But I will tell you that I’ll be counting down the days, hours, fucking seconds, until I’m back here with you guys.”
He gives our son a soft kiss to his forehead and, closing his eyes, breathes in deeply as if he’s trying to memorize his scent. When his eyes open, they meet mine. He gives me a sad smile that has my heart breaking in two, as he takes my face in his hands. “I love you, Micaela,” he murmurs against my lips.
And then with one last soul-crushing kiss, he disappears.
Micaela
Four Months Later
Ryan: Send me a pic of RJ
Me:
Ryan: He’s in his pajamas from this morning. I want a current one.
Me: Can’t… He’s not with me right now.
Ryan: :(
Me: Don’t give me that. It’s been a long day. He was up all night, and I’m exhausted. I’m relaxing in the bath.
Ryan: The bath? As in… you’re naked? I’ll just take a picture of you then.
Me: Ha ha ha
Ryan: Who’s laughing?
Me:
Ryan: Fucking sexy feet
Ryan: I’m hard.
I crack up laughing and text him back.
Me: You must be really desperate to be turned on by feet.
Ryan: Every part of you turns me on.
Me: Should I send you a picture of my nose next? How about my knees? I’ve been told I have some sexy knees.
Ryan: You already know I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.
I smile at his last text, knowing he’s serious. The last four months have been rough for him. He’s missing RJ—and me—like crazy, and he makes it a point to tell me that every day. Thankfully, with technology, we’re able to text every day, as well as send pictures back and forth. We’ve even video chatted a few times, but the service isn’t good and it breaks up. When he’s out doing whatever he does—he’s very vague on the details and I don’t push—it can be several hours before he replies, but we haven’t gone more than twelve hours without communicating.
At first, the texting was a little formal—kind of awkward. I was worried every day that he wouldn’t respond and I would get a call similar to the one I got with Ian—and I would get that call, because he added me to his next-of-kin paperwork, so if anything does happen, I will be the first to know. Because of that, I tried to keep my distance. But when your only form of communication is texting, you have no choice but to eventually warm up to it. And since you’re hidden behind a screen it’s easy to say things you normally wouldn’t say to someone’s face. Late night chats have turned personal—although we steer clear of anything regarding the future, keeping it about our past and present.
And, along the way, those conversations have taken a flirty turn. Knowing he’s stuck in the desert with nobody but other soldiers, I tend to give in, giving him whatever he asks for. He never crosses the line, but we’ve definitely toed it plenty of times. Even though we haven’t discussed being together, since he knows I can’t handle that conversation until he’s back on U.S. soil, he’s mentioned on several occasions he has no desire to be with anyone else but me. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear it, until he said it. I’ve heard too many stories of soldiers being lonely while on a deployment and seeking comfort in someone over there.
Ryan: You there?
Me: Yeah, tell me again how many days until you’re home.
Ryan: Eight days, fourteen hours, twenty-five minutes, and thirty-six seconds.
There’s no way he could really know to the second how long it will be until he’s home, but he always includes it all when he answers me.
Me: I can’t wait.
Ryan: Me too. You said you were up all night with RJ. Is he okay?
Me: Yeah, I think he’s going through a growth spurt so he’s waking up a little more often to eat.