I stayed for a little while longer, checking out one or two of the more in-depth books and taking my notes home for further contemplation.
I got home that evening around six, stopping at a local restaurant to grab something to eat before going home rather than cooking. I had barely opened up my takeout and one of the books when there was a knock at the door.
“Mason?” I said as I opened it up.
“Hey, bud, was over on your street dropping off a couple fliers and thought I’d hit you up,” he said.
“Sure, come on in,” I said, backing up into the house and taking a seat back in front of my books and food. I closed the book and sat it back on the stack. When Mason made his way to the table, he looked curiously at them. “I got a bunch of extra pasta if you want some,” I said.
“No, that’s okay. Ava is making dinner tonight,” he said. “What’s all this?”
“These?” I said, contemplating just how up-front I would be about them. Mason was fiercely protective of the bar, and of all the brothers he was the one I was most nervous about talking to about my possible plans.
“Yeah, these,” he said, motioning to the books.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about maybe doing some online classes. Getting an education in tech work, you know?”
“Why would you want to do that?” Mason asked. “You have a career. With us, and the bar.”
“Well, I have a job,” I said. “Not really a career.” Mason made a grunting sound and sat down. He was viewing me with a combination of confusion and hurt. I hated that.
“Tech?” he said, finally.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve always wanted to do it, really. I mean, I know you and Matt and Jordan and Tom all have things figured out. I get that. But I don’t. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.”
Mason took a moment before responding, keeping his gaze on my eyes and looking like he was measuring his words carefully.
“Is that what you really want?” he asked.
“I don’t know, maybe?” I said. “I know I’m not happy. Or well, maybe that’s not the right phrase. I’m not satisfied. That’s it. I like being at the bar. I like working with my family and being able to spend so much time with you guys. But some of you are made for that job. You fill a specific role, and it satisfies you. Nothing I do there does that for me.”
“Do you want to change positions? Move into the kitchen or something?” Mason asked.
“No, it’s not where I am in the bar. It’s the bar itself. It’s fun sometimes, and when it is, it’s great. But most of the time, I stand there and wonder what I’m doing with my life, you know? I don’t have a family, and I’m working as a bartender at almost forty. I just want something I can do on my own that will give me that satisfaction.”
There were a few tense moments before Mason sighed heavily and sat back in the chair. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, but my heart was pounding in my chest. The last thing I wanted to do was upset my brothers, but this had been weighing on me for so long.
“Well, then I support you,” he said, a smile breaking across his face. I couldn’t believe it, and I nearly welled up right there. I kept it together, though, and took a sip of my drink to center myself.
“Thanks,” I choked out. “That means a lot to me.”
Mason nodded. “Good. One thing, though.”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe you should stay at the bar for a bit, just to keep the money flowing. College can be expensive.”
“For sure,” I said. “And I wouldn’t want to leave you guys in a lurch or anything.”
“It’s not that,” he said, waving me off. “I’m not concerned with that part. We would figure it out. If this is really what you want to do with your life, then you need to go after your dreams. We will figure the bar out. I just want to make sure you can still take care of yourself while you’re studying and going after this thing.”
“It’s not a bad idea,” I said. “I would probably stick around for a while.”
“Man,” he said. “I’m happy for you, I really am. I could tell something was bugging you recently, and if this was it, I’m just glad it’s something you can do something about. But I also want to take care of my brother and make sure you aren’t going to starve.”
I laughed. “I won’t starve, but thank you.”
“Now, hand me one of those takeout containers. I’m starving.”
“I thought you said Ava was cooking,” I said, laughing.
“Yeah, well,” he said. “That was before I noticed this was from Mary Angelo’s. Did you get the cannoli?”