I said my goodbyes and went to the door when Nick joined me. He already had his jacket on and was saying goodbye to Dad. I waited for him to finish with Mom before I opened the door and we both walked out into the evening. When the door shut behind us, we walked down to the sidewalk a little away from the house in the quiet before I finally decided to break the ice.
“You know,” I said, “I left that night after you did, and I haven’t heard from or seen Tyler since.”
“Good.”
“No, not good,” I said. “Tyler was the first person in my life I can remember encouraging me to spread my wings and go after things I wanted. The first person not to be overprotective and try to get me to aim lower, or to assume that whatever it was, it was too dangerous or too hard.”
“That’s not true. We encouraged you all the time,” he said.
“Not like him. Not to do what I wanted, when I wanted,” I said. “For the first time in my life, someone wasn’t giving me advice on how I should do things as if I was some stupid kid. He treated me like a real adult. He respected me. He made me happy. And now—” I made a frustrated grunting sound that was certainly unladylike, but I didn’t care. “Now it’s all gone to shit.”
Nick was quiet as he stared into my eyes, which was no easy feat I was sure, since I was welling with a series of emotions at the moment. Finally, he looked away and made a shrugging motion with both arms. They slapped back down to his thighs as he threw his head back and sighed heavily.
“I’m sorry,” he said as his head lowered again, and he opened his eyes to look at me. I couldn’t believe the words I heard.
“What was that?” I asked.
“I said I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry if I’m the reason for that.”
“Well, yeah, you are the reason,” I said. “We were having a perfectly nice dinner before you barged in and accused him of swooping in on his baby sister.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “Look, the age thing, it’s weird to me. On top of everything else.”
“The age thing?” I said, exasperated. “Really? I get that you would be weirded out because he’s your best friend. I understand that one. But plenty of people marry someone fifteen, twenty years older. Tyler and I are less than ten. And we are adults. It’s not like he’s some twenty-five-year-old hitting on a sixteen-year-old. I’m almost thirty, Nick.”
“I know, I know,” Nick said. “All that makes sense, right? It just feels weird. You were always my baby sister. He’s my age. It just doesn’t work in my head.”
“But if you met a thirty-year-old woman, it would be totally fine,” I said.
He sighed again, looking down at his shoes for a minute before nodding. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“So, you see how this is hypocritical of you, right?”
“Yes.”
“And you can see where I wouldn’t want Mom and Dad babying me anymore like I’m some wounded bird they needed to nurse back to health?”
“Trust me, I understand that part,” he said. The pain that stretched across his face was clear. The memory of his divorce was still raw, I was sure. But what might have been worse was how Mom reacted to it with almost glee. Her baby had come home.
“Okay, then,” I said.
“I am sorry, Becca,” he said. “I feel bad that someone was finally treating you well and I went and messed it up. I hope you can forgive me for that. I have to just stay out of your way and let you make decisions on your own. Like you said, you’re a grown woman. Just remember that I’m here for you. No matter what. And I love you.”
Nick held one arm out, and I didn’t hesitate to take the invitation and hug him. Like always, he kissed the top of my head and patted me on the back in the way I assumed every big brother did.
“Thank you,” I said.
Nick nodded and then paused.
“Do you love him?”
I went stock-still, unable to speak. Emotions and thoughts whirled through my mind. Nick simply nodded again and went to his car, got in, cranked the radio, and left. As much as I wanted to stay mad at him for how things with Tyler were, I could see how guilty he looked. He was carrying that around now and had completely gone the other direction from where he was when I walked into the house. I guessed part of it was being here with Mom and Dad for so long that he started to think like they did. But once he was able to break free of that, he could see where I was coming from.