He supposed that until they were healed, neither of them was going to be back to themselves.
“Have a good rest,” Richard said to the commander and Nicci. “And Commander, keep the men away from us. I think Kahlan needs some privacy tonight.”
The big D’Haran officer tapped a fist to his heart. “No problem, Lord Rahl. I will see to it.”
As he turned to go, he saw Irena and Samantha sitting side by side on a blanket, eating some sausage.
Irena waved. “Please tell her that I hope she feels better soon. If she needs any gifted help, I would be only too glad to offer my services.”
Richard nodded his thanks before starting out across the camp. He walked a crooked course in order to pass by a number of the campfires on his way to check on the men, offer smiles, and wish them a good sleep. Many offered food. Richard thanked them but declined.
When he reached the spot Kahlan had pointed out, he saw that it was indeed some distance away from the rest of the camp, screened by part of the rock outcropping. Larger sections of granite ledge rose up from the forest floor behind, with trees on the far side. It was a cozy, private sanctuary.
Kahlan flipped the blanket back and looked up at him. Her eyes were wet.
Richard got the message and lay down on his back beside her, sitting up just a little with his head propped against the rock so that he could look down at Kahlan.
“Kahlan, please, tell me what’s wrong.”
That made the tears flow. She fell on him, putting one shoulder under his and her other arm over his chest. She rested her head on his shoulder.
“Please, Richard, just hold me?”
He pulled the blanket up over her partway and closed his arms around her, holding her without a word.
He listened to a mockingbird in the distance repeating a monotonous call, the buzz and chirping of bugs, and the soft, distant murmur of the men. He also listened to her cry quietly for a while, until he could stand it no more.
“Kahlan, you are going to be the death of me if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”
She didn’t answer. She sniffled for a time, trying to get herself under control.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said. “My whole life I’ve been taught to be strong. I’ve been taught to wear a Confessor face to hide how I feel. But I can’t right now.”
“Why?”
She shrugged against him as she wiped her nose on a handkerchief.
“What did the oracle say that got you so upset?” he asked.
She shrugged again. “She just made me think about my life. Your life. Our lives together.”
“Well, that’s a pleasant enough thing to think about.”
She didn’t answer, so he asked, “Isn’t it?”
“Richard, after Nicci heals us tomorrow of this horrid call of death—if we are healed—can we … I don’t know, go away?”
He frowned in the near darkness as he watched the small campfires in the distance flickering and popping sparks.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, ever since I first met you, what have we done?”
“Done? I don’t know, we’ve done a lot of things.”
“For others. We are always fighting to give everyone else a life. When do we get to have our life?”
“I know what you mean, I really do, but it isn’t exactly like we had a lot of choice. There have been people trying to cause great harm to the people we care about—and to us.”
“There is aways a choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, there will always be someone trying to cause harm. There will always be those who hate those who prevent them from stealing rule, treasure, and lives. There will always be a threat. There will always be something. The world has never been without threats from those kind of savages.
“This time the threat is bigger than us. This is bigger than everything. This is beyond our reach or control. This reaches beyond the world of life and into the underworld. We can’t fight that. We can’t fight this anymore.
“And why should we have to? When is it our time? When do we get to live our lives together?”
“Our time will come, Kahlan,” he said softly.
She shook her head against his shoulder. “No it won’t, unless we make it our time. Richard, it’s time to let go and live what we can of what’s left for us, of what’s left for everyone.”
“Someday,” Richard said. “But I can’t now. I can’t live with myself, live for you, if I don’t do this.”
“I understand how you feel and I know what’s in your heart—I feel no different.
“But this time it’s too much. You can’t stop this, Richard. True wisdom is accepting your limits, accepting that it’s time to admit those limits, and let go of what you can’t change.
“It’s time for you to quit that fight and live. Live your life with me. Live for me.”
Richard swallowed at the lump in his throat. Zedd had told him the same thing. It hurt his heart to hear Kahlan pleading for him to give them a life of their own. Zedd was right that Richard was not just committing himself to the struggle, he was committing Kahlan to it as well. He couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound cruel.
“It’s time for us to spend what time we have, while we can, being together. Please, Richard, don’t deny me what there is to what life I have left. Don’t abandon me to a mission.
“Our entire time together has been devoted to serving the cause we have never had the chance to enjoy. We have served the cause of life and haven’t had any time for us to live it. Let us live it while we can.
“Please, Richard. It’s the only thing I want, the only thing I’m asking of you.”
Although he didn’t know what the oracle had said that had started it, Richard was beginning to comprehend what she was so upset about.
As he felt a tear run down his cheek, he thought that maybe he felt the same way.
“A very wise woman I know, who I happen to love,” he said in a broken voice, “once told me that we all can only be who we are, no more, and no less.”
Kahlan reached up and wiped the tear from his jaw.
“I’m sorry, Richard. I’m sorry to show such weakness. I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow.”
“You’re not weak,” he whispered. “You are the one I love, and you are anything but weak. You are the strongest person I know.”
“You think too much of me, Richard. I’m weaker than you think.”
He had to ask. “What did the oracle say to you?”
Kahlan laid a finger across his lips. “Hush. We need to get some rest. The poison is giving me a terrible headache.”