CHAPTER 19
Coffee keeps me busy until it’s time to get drunk.
—Coffee Mug
“I send you into town for an hour and you’re already breaking more laws,” Emma Jo sighs as she holds the front door open for me and I smack the car keys into her outstretched hand.
“I had a lovely time at breakfast with my parents where the whole town almost dragged me out of The Hungry Bear by my hair and burned me at the stake in town. Oh, and I ran into Leo and he told us to try the blueberry pie, thanks for asking,” I reply, closing the door behind me and crossing my arms in front of me when Emma Jo looks at me nervously. “He told me to TRY THE BLUEBERRY PIE, Emma Jo. And then he winked at me!”
“He winked at you?”
“Well, he winked at my mother, but I was sitting right next to her so it was kind of in my general direction, and he did look really cute when he did it and those uniform pants hug his ass quite…dammit!” I complain, throwing my hands up in frustration and letting them smack against my thighs. “PIE!”
I scream that last word just to bring my point home, though I kind of forgot what my point was since I was picturing Leo’s ass in those khaki-colored dress pants. And now I’m hungry for pie since I didn’t eat the shitty oatmeal Andrea gave me instead of what I ordered, and I’m wondering if pie would taste even better being licked off of Leo’s chest and…
“I think we have more things to worry about than pie,” Emma Jo reminds me, breaking into my thoughts.
“THERE IS NOTHING MORE WORRISOME THAN PIE, EMMA JO! Pie that Leo knows about since he was all winky and shit, and I came home instead of going to the station like he asked because I don’t know how to answer questions about pie!” I tell her, freaking out more so than usual because I’m hot and sweaty and hungry and horny and just one hour in downtown Bald Knob was enough to remind me why I hate this place and everyone who lives here.
“I thought I heard your overly-loud voice, Payton.”
My mouth drops open when I look over Emma Jo’s shoulder and see Sally Plunkett walk around the corner from the living room.
“My mother is more worrisome than pie, in case you missed that memo,” Emma Jo whispers under her breath before turning around to face her mother with a smile plastered on her face.
“Thanks for the warning, asshole,” I whisper back before pasting my own fake smile on my face as Mrs. Plunkett stares me down.
At least I had the good sense to pack all my nice clothes when I scrambled around my house in Chicago and threw everything into a suitcase. Wearing a white and peach skirt that hugs my hips and flows out around my thighs and pairing it with a peach short-sleeved cotton top with white beading around the scooped neckline, I look casually professional and not at all like the Whore of Babylon that Mrs. Plunkett always thought I was when Emma Jo and I were growing up. Widowed when Emma Jo’s father died when Emma Jo and I were in fourth grade from complications with a ruptured appendix, Mrs. Plunkett spent her life grooming Emma Jo to find the perfect husband with the perfect job and the perfect medical records. She thought she hit the jackpot having the mayor of Bald Knob as her son-in-law and I hope to God the woman hasn’t been so blinded by the notoriety all these years that she didn’t see what was happening to her own daughter. She loves Emma Jo, don’t get me wrong. She just loved that everyone kissed her ass every time she walked through town almost as much. Let’s just hope she realizes I’m a grown adult now and I’m not always to blame for everything that happens to Emma Jo.
“I thought I’d stop by and help my poor baby girl during her time of need, especially when I heard you were back in town and all the trouble you’ve been causing since you’ve been back here. Starla Godfrey called me on my way over here to tell me you accosted her dog again this morning,” Mrs. Plunkett informs me.
Okay, so I guess I’m still an unruly teenager in her eyes. Good to know.
“It’s not my fault the coffee from Gas N Sip sucks. I took a sip and it came right back out. I didn’t do it on purpose, my mouth just naturally rejects things that taste like vomit,” I explain with a shrug.
Of course the entire town already heard about how I walked out of Gas N Sip after breakfast with my parents, hoping against hope that Mo Wesley’s coffee had improved over the years, only to spit it right back out as soon as it touched my lips. All over Bo Jangles as Starla Godfrey walked him through town. It didn’t help the situation when Mo came running out after me, claiming I stole a cup of coffee and screaming to everyone on the street that I was trying to rob him blind. He shouldn’t put a sign that says “Free Coffee” on his machine and he really shouldn’t write “With the purchase of gas” underneath it, so small that a house fly couldn’t even read it.
“Honestly, Payton, you’ve done nothing but harass the town since you’ve been back. I’m so upset I haven’t been able to stop crying about that sweet son-in-law of mine, and Emma Jo is incredibly distraught.”
Mrs. Plunkett pauses and when Emma Jo doesn’t say anything because she’s become an expert at tuning her mother out, I elbow her in the side.
“Oh, yes, yes, very distraught. So distraught I can’t think straight,” Emma Jo quickly pipes up, adding in a few sniffles and a swipe under her eyes for good measure. “Don’t worry, Payton has been taking very good care of me and she’s just as upset as I am about Jed.”