“Ari…. . . please tonight was supposed to change everything. Please. ”
“I’m going back to the cabin. Please do not come there. I’m going to ride home with Amanda and Brad tomorrow. Please just…. . . just……just leave me alone for awhile Jeff. If you love you will just leave me alone. ”
She turned and walked away from me. I fell over and buried my head in my hands and just lost it.
I felt someone trying to get me to stand up. I heard Brad and Josh telling me to stand up. I could barely stand. Once I got up I saw Ari getting into the jeep and driving off to the deer cabin.
Mother fucker…. . . not again……she was leaving me……again.
CHAPTER SIXTY FOUR
Ari……
Jeff dropped to his knees in front of me and started to cry.
“Ari please, don’t do this to me. Please don’t leave me again…. I beg of you!”
Oh Jesus Mary and Joseph………fucking hell! My heart was breaking in two. I loved him so much but I was so fucking pissed right now. I wanted nothing more than to get down on my knees and comfort him. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. He took something away from me tonight. Something I was never ever going to get back. The chance to give him his first child, the thought made me start to cry.
“I love you Jeff, more than anything but I can’t handle this right now. I need time…. . . I need to be alone and away from you while you work this out. I’m not leaving you…. . . I just…. . . I just need to be away from you. ”
“Ari…. . . please tonight was supposed to change everything. Please. ” Oh god Jeff please stop begging me please!
“I’m going back to the cabin. Please do not come there. I’m going to ride home with Amanda and Brad tomorrow. Please just…. . . just……just leave me alone for awhile Jeff. If you love you will just leave me alone. ”
I turned and walked away from him…. . . again. This time it was so much fucking harder. I knew he never meant for this to happen. It was both of our faults. Well no not really. It was that dickwads fault for not being able to tell me he loved me and then going on a three month man whore mission.
I can’t believe he was going to ask me to marry him tonight. Why didn’t my dad just wait to tell me about the fucking restraining order? WHY?!
Oh that bitch was smart to get that fucking thing. I so wanted to go right that minute and……and……well I can’t say what I wanted to do cause the stupid bitch was pregnant!
That stupid mother fucking son of a bitch stupid ass wipe dumb mother……Oh god……
I cried the whole way to the deer cabin. I almost hit two mother fucking deer on the way. Stupid animals, oh god I didn’t mean that! What the hell is wrong with me?
I wish Ellie was here. Oh god how I wish I could call her. I pulled up and saw a few small lights on. I was so tired all of a sudden. All I wanted to do was get into bed and sleep. I sat in the jeep and thought about the first time Jeff and I made love.
It was the night of Brad and Amanda’s wedding. They got married at the Driskill hotel and Jeff had booked a room there that night and I didn’t know it. The way he couldn’t tear his eyes off of me during the whole wedding ceremony should have been my first clue. Of course the slutty dresses Amanda had us all in that showed nothing but our cleavage to the max helped with his lust that night. Talk about not being able to breathe all night in that damn dress.
The room had been perfect. Simple but filled with LED candles and rose petals spread all over the bed. It was on the historical side of the hotel and had a balcony looking down onto Sixth Street. There were massage oils and lotions and chocolate covered strawberries. Oh god……it was magical. It was magical because Jeff was so sweet and gentle. After talking to Ellie I was not so nervous about my first time. She said it had hurt but after awhile it felt wonderful. She was not fucking kidding.
It was amazing.
I sighed as I got out of the jeep. Amanda and Heather would probably be coming to get their stuff. I’m sure once they heard what happened they would want t
o check in on me. I just really wanted to get out of this dress and these boots and just sleep. I opened up the door and almost fell over.
Oh no! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOO! The whole room was covered with Stargazer Lilies. I mean the whole room was filled with them. There were bouquets of them in flower vases with blue bonnets mixed in. There were bouquets that had the stems wrapped in a light pink satin. Oh my god. One bouquet was so big……it was sitting in an old bucket with other wild flower bouquets. The smell in the room was unbelievable.
It was…. . . perfect.
It would have been perfect. I was so mad at my father for ruining this for me. OH GOD JEFF! He must have spent a fortune on all of these flowers.
I started to slide down the door and cry. I put my head down on my knees and just sobbed. I slammed my head back into the door and just screamed as loud as I could.
“MOTHER FUCKER!” I ruined everything because I couldn’t just let him explain. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
I sat there and cried so hard I felt like I could not breathe. Oh my god Jeff…. . . Oh god…. . . why did I walk away and tell him not to come here. If I had only known. …. ARGH! I’m so stupid!