“Really, I’m fine. I think I just need to take a nap. ” I looked over at Jeff and smiled.
Ellie gently hugged me good-bye. “Okay. Um, Grace said she made some stuff for dinner. I guess I’ll go see if Heather is okay. I love you, Ari. Call me if you need anything okay?”
She walked over to Jeff.
“Are you okay, Jefferson?”
I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. He didn’t even look at Ellie when he shook his head. My heart broke. I could see the tears building in his eyes, and I knew he was blaming himself. A part of me blamed his as well, but I was trying so hard to push it down.
Jeff smiled at me and then turned to Ellie. “Ellie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Then, he followed Ellie out of the room.
I closed my eyes as the tears rolled down my face. I slowly moved onto my side and grabbed a pillow to hug.
You left us. You left us, sweet baby.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
JOSH
My heart felt like someone had just reached in and ripped it out. Why is Heather so upset? We had been arguing right before Jeff and Ari had shown up, but she had seemed to be more pissed-off than upset.
I followed her to the room she was staying in. She pulled out her bag and started to pack up her stuff.
“I thought you were planning on staying? What about Ari?”
Heather looked up at me, and it felt like someone just kicked me in the stomach. Tears were just rolling down her face. Holy shit.
I took a few steps toward her until she held up her hand.
“Stop. Please don’t come any closer to me. I don’t think I have the strength to push you away right now. ”
“Then, don’t. Heather I don’t understand this. One minute, you say you want me, and the next, you push me away. You tell me you love me, but then you push me away again. Why are you doing this?”
“I can’t do this right now. I just need to… I just need to get away from here… from you. ”
“What the fuck did I do? I can’t fix it, Heather, if you don’t tell me what I did. ”
Heather stopped packing and looked up at me. “That’s the problem, Josh. You can’t fix it. I think it’s best if we both just move on. There can never be anything between us. You can never be with just one girl, let alone me. Come on, we both know that’s true. ”
“You won’t even give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you and how much I just want to be with you. Heather, I don’t want any other girl. You’re the only girl…woman… I’ve ever wanted, and the only woman I’ll ever want. Princess, please just let me. ”
“Oh my god, please stop! No! It’ll never work, so we need to just stop this now. I don’t want to be with you. I said I love you, and I do, but. . . I don’t think you are. ”
“You don’t think I’m what?”
Heather took a deep breath and turned away from me.
“I don’t think you’re the one. ”
I just stood there, rejected again. How many times am I going to do this to myself? How many times is she going to hurt me?
Just then, my phone beeped. I took it out and looked at it. There were three text messages from Lynda.
“Fine, Heather. I’m done being turned down and pushed away by you. If you want me to leave you alone, you got it. ”
I turned and started to walk out the door as I hit Lynda’s number.
“Josh, please can we still be friends?”