His smile faded. “Heather, I have to be honest with you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all night and all morning. I kept wondering when you’d come back. Actually, I was hoping to God that you’d come back early this morning,” he said, his smile reappearing. “I’ve never felt like this before. Well, shit, I guess I have, but I don’t remember a damn thing. I’m guessing I felt this way the first time we met. It scares the shit out of me. In my mind, I’m still in college, still fucking around with other…” He stopped talking as he looked away.
I closed my eyes, trying so hard to not start crying. I wanted so badly to tell him that he was my everything, to tell him how much we loved each other.
When Josh turned back to look at me, his eyes were filled with so much confusion. I instantly felt guilty for feeling the way I did.
“I want so badly to…”
Please don’t stop talking.
“You want so badly to what?” I asked as I took his hand in mine. I had to touch him in some way, or I was going to lose it.
When he looked down at my mouth, I realized I was biting my lower lip. I instantly stopped and snapped my eyes to his lips. His lower lip was swollen just a bit, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss it.
Josh started to talk, but his voice cracked. “I just want to kiss you so fucking bad. ” He cleared his throat and gave me that damn crooked smile of his. “I want to know if you make noises when you kiss. I want to feel your body against mine. I want to know what you smell like. Is your skin as soft as it looks? I want to know everything about you. ”
I felt a tear rolling down my face. Butterflies were taking off in my stomach like I’d never experienced before, not even when we’d first made love. “Josh—”
He shook his head as if he didn’t want me to talk. “Please don’t say anything for a minute…please. ”
I sat there in complete silence while his eyes held mine captive.
When he smiled at me, I swore my stomach just about dropped to the ground. Is it possible to fall in love with someone I was already in love with?
“I want to get to know you again. Will you let me, Heather?” he asked, squeezing my hand with his.
I pulled his hand up to my mouth and kissed it. As he closed his eyes, my heart started pounding.
“Of course, Josh. I lov—” Shit! I almost told him that I love him.
“I want to hear you say it. Please tell me how you feel about me. ” Josh tried to adjust himself to a more comfortable position.
I closed my eyes as I felt tears coming. This time, I didn’t care, and I just let them fall as I opened my eyes. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you, since the first time you asked me if you could help me out of my clothes, and since you told me your tongue wanted to show my tongue how to dance,” I said with a giggle.
I watched as a smile spread across his face.
He chuckled. “Sounds like something I would say. ”
“You’re the only one I’ve ever loved. You’re the only one I will ever love. You’re my every breath, Josh,” I said as I looked away from him. I’m telling him too much.
“You asked me why I didn’t want you to touch me,” Josh said.
I slowly glanced back toward him.
“It’s because I feel something. I feel something so incredibly strong toward you, and the moment you touch me, I feel like I’m gonna want more, much more. I have this need to just be with you, and it blows my mind because I don’t ever remember feeling like this toward anyone. I don’t want to blow this, and I usually fuck things up by moving too fast. ” He gave me a small smile.
I didn’t know what to say. Does he really have these feelings? Or did I just tell him too much? Maybe he thinks he should be feeling like this. Oh fuck.
“I, um…I’m not sure if I should have told you all that. Maybe I just confused you. I don’t know. I’m so sorry, Josh. The last thing I want to do is confuse you. ” I wiped the tears away from my face.
He shook his head and held on to my hand tightly. “No, I’m glad you told me. I just…I just want to take things slow. I want to get to know you, and when I said that I wanted to start off as friends, I just meant…fuck, Heather. If it weren’t for a few broken ribs or me lying in this hospital bed, I would want to make love to you. But I don’t want it to be like all the other girls. I want to get to know you again. I want to know everything about you. ”
What? Oh. My. God. Breathe. Breathe, Heather. Daddy, help me to breathe.
“Heather, breathe, honey. You’re holding your breath,” Josh said.
I snapped my head up. “What did you just say?”
“Um, I told you to breathe. You looked like you were holding your breath. ”