I slowly shook my head and said, “I won’t make a sound.”
He smiled. “Good girl. I’ve been waiting for you, Courtney. You’re going to be mine.”
I tried to keep in the sob, but it escaped. “Noah…why? Why are you doing this?”
He slowly started pulling off his boxer shorts, exposing himself to me. I felt like I was going to throw up.
No! No, this is not how my first time is supposed to be! He’s supposed to make it special. He’s supposed to make me feel like I am his everything.
Oh God, please don’t let this happen.
This is not how it happens in my dreams! He is supposed to love me. I’m supposed to love him.
God, please no.
The moment his hands touched me, I jumped and let out a gasp.
He put his hand over my mouth again. “If you can’t be quiet, I’m going to have to do something I don’t want to do.”
I quickly nodded my head, terrified of what he was talking about.
He started pulling up my T-shirt, and he looked my body up and down. When he began sliding off my panties, I grabbed his hands.
“Noah, please…oh God, please don’t do this.”
“You want this, Courtney. I see how you look at me. You want me just as much as I want you.”
I thrashed my head back and forth as I cried, “No! I don’t. I don’t want this.”
“Yes. You. Do.”
“No, I don’t. Stop! I don’t care what you do to my brother. I just want you to stop.”
He pulled back and looked at me. “Maybe Sissy wants me.”
I threw my hand up to mouth. “No…” I whispered.
Sissy was my fourteen-year-old sister.
“You keep pissing me off, Courtney. Stop pissing me off. If you even think of telling anyone, I’ll not only hurt your brother, but your parents might end up in a car accident caused by faulty brakes, and your little sister might get her cherry popped a little early.” He began putting on a condom as his eyes locked on to mine.
I felt the tears pouring down my face as I closed my eyes. I totally relaxed my body and tried to just disappear. I needed to be anywhere but where I was.
“That’s it, baby. Let me give you what you’ve been wanting.”
As I felt him up against me, I cried harder, but I held my hand over my mouth to muffle out my cries of pain. With each time he pushed himself in, I grabbed the sheets and tried to hold it all in. He just kept moaning and telling me how good it felt.
I just want to disappear. This isn’t happening.
Nothing had ever hurt me so badly in my life.
“Does it feel good, baby?”
I squeezed my eyes closed tighter and thought of my favorite book. I began saying my favorite quotes over and over in my head as I tried to block out the nightmare that was happening.
Once he was done, he stood up, took off the condom, and smiled at me. He tossed it in the trash and told me to get rid of it first thing in the morning.